tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13349595364931166442024-02-02T22:59:09.016+00:00William CouperHere I am, burbling away about the world. I know you get it. Sometimes I'll even tell you about stuff I'm writing and give you a heads up on what's being published. You're lucky people, you know.William Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.comBlogger72125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-60670711753283378512021-02-15T17:00:00.039+00:002021-02-15T17:00:09.231+00:00It's the Video Nasties Blog, Kids!<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4Ntcyi1Fad5NkBhtiuz2kkz7J6cVMUtCCZmD6qlNJgHSlxP1zQtbkNxy-gVWzZmh8OrNzWzwtPai2QXS1Ui9wSkilVHa4vuaKo-M5z-2NPn6-h-X81S2BiUkXZqC5rEmbZVimavxTk0g/s450/Video+Nasties.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="271" data-original-width="450" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4Ntcyi1Fad5NkBhtiuz2kkz7J6cVMUtCCZmD6qlNJgHSlxP1zQtbkNxy-gVWzZmh8OrNzWzwtPai2QXS1Ui9wSkilVHa4vuaKo-M5z-2NPn6-h-X81S2BiUkXZqC5rEmbZVimavxTk0g/s320/Video+Nasties.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No one got overexcited about this at all...</td></tr></tbody></table><p><br /></p><p>Video Nasties. The
term sends chills down the spine, doesn’t it?
Even if you don’t know exactly what it means, it’s evocative. It’s both sinister and utterly fucking
absurd. Which is pretty much where the
Video Nasties situation lives as an historical event.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve been fascinated with the whole business in one form or
another pretty much since it happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
was aware of some of the most famous films when I was very young.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I discovered what happened and the list of
films when I was fourteen or fifteen after picking up my first issue of the
British horror magazine <i>The Dark Side</i>.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1ARQO6QBW2ICcyLGVWKv3fHeCoUwcwyEEhsrFBTzmxbnWDkpsEp345F79Omw2-yaXF0QTvt4hYjXlvTgB7xAUne1wyIBJgX2e9QjFxDjXVhlyG54mzzNhsohNxvPz2rhPt2Ha0U23_U8/s200/Dark+Side+Cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="142" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1ARQO6QBW2ICcyLGVWKv3fHeCoUwcwyEEhsrFBTzmxbnWDkpsEp345F79Omw2-yaXF0QTvt4hYjXlvTgB7xAUne1wyIBJgX2e9QjFxDjXVhlyG54mzzNhsohNxvPz2rhPt2Ha0U23_U8/s0/Dark+Side+Cover.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Some fond memories here.</td></tr></tbody></table>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br />Okay, that’s a tiny bit of interesting background, but why
am I talking about this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, from the
middle of 2020 to the start of 2021 (last year to this year for current-me) I
watched a bunch of Video Nasties that are on Amazon Prime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve idly thought that I should have filled
my blog with thoughts on each film on an individual basis as I watched.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This isn’t how it panned out, so we’re here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t find every Video Nasty, not by a
long shout, but I filled in some holes in my watching.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few things have been percolating in my
brain since watching the last one, that I thought would be fun to share.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hopefully more fun than watching the films.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aye, it’s like that.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What this means, of course, that while I’m not going to go
into deep detail on the plots of these films, really I’m just vaguely
acknowledging their plots – fuck, some of them barely have plots to acknowledge
– some of what I’m going to say will probably be able to be pieced together to
work out story elements.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
spoilers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to say it in a
different way, but there are likely to be spoilers for these films.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mind you, if you’re going to get bent out of
shape about plot points from forty- and almost-fifty-year-old films, I think
you should probably leave via the nearest exit.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For those of you who don’t know what the Video Nasties are
or what happened, I’ll give you a quick overview.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are loads of other people out there who
have gone over the whole period in greater detail, this is just to get anyone
who doesn’t know caught up.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the early eighties in the UK, with the greater
affordability of video cassette players, there was a boom in video
rentals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At this time the video
distribution companies didn’t need to apply to the BBFC to have the videos
classified – which is something I didn’t know until looking this up to make
sure I got it right.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The legislation for dealing with videos was apparently
covered by the Obscene Publications Act 1959, which wasn’t really fit for this
purpose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It essentially meant an
unregulated market, and as we know that never leads to trouble, because
companies trying to make money know how to behave themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They flooded the place with really dodgy stuff, that parents might not
have been aware wasn’t suitable for their precious poppets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although looking at the lurid covers to the
most famous stuff, it would have taken a particularly negligent or outright
stupid parent to not know what they were getting into.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And things like <i>Nightmares in a Damaged
Brain</i>, <i>The Driller Killer</i> and <i>Gestapo’s Last Orgy</i> are not
ambiguous titles.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJyCTV4R89OVHPJj7_JtjoVYLCmX3EVqM8TxXYtIJoHJ0XN0DZSkzxlseLNcwIRXDrUNnkjR_HMYmKim73CF6Uk8hyBDQc8vKI6VDMX-pO4RCljky305byvadvPeNWXOroPCkrbXykTu8/s284/Nightmares+in+a+Damaged+Brain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="284" data-original-width="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJyCTV4R89OVHPJj7_JtjoVYLCmX3EVqM8TxXYtIJoHJ0XN0DZSkzxlseLNcwIRXDrUNnkjR_HMYmKim73CF6Uk8hyBDQc8vKI6VDMX-pO4RCljky305byvadvPeNWXOroPCkrbXykTu8/s0/Nightmares+in+a+Damaged+Brain.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">'Oh, the kids will <i>love</i> this!'</td></tr></tbody></table>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br />Still, sniffing a moral outrage to be vocally morally
outraged about, white-haired publicity troll-pensioner Mary Whitehouse was
awakened like Godzilla, if Godzilla really didn’t want you to see penises and
boobs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when Mary Whitehouse and her
crazed acolytes made demands, the quivering establishment twisted themselves
into knots to obey.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">With only that Obscene Publications Act for the establishment
to wield, the Department of Public Prosecutions got involved in the whole
mess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The police stomped into video
rental shops and scooped up anything they thought might fit the ‘obscene’
criteria.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I understand this led to a few
things getting grabbed that weren’t even close to being in the Video Nasties
category.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In total 72 films were hauled before the DPP, 39 of which
were actually prosecuted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s films from
this list of 72 that I’ve been interested in over the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is another supplemental list, but it
doesn’t really interest me quite as much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then there are the banned films that aren’t considered Nasties, again
not of interest here.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Anyway, the upshot is that the BBFC was given the remit to
look at films for both cinematic <i>and</i> home release.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meaning most films get looked at twice and
could be given different ratings and cuts for home and theatrical release in
the UK, which is…weird.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There’s obviously more to it than that, but I’m not
interested in regurgitating the whole thing here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve got other things to say and I’d rather
not drive away more of the few people reading this than absolutely necessary.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, I stumbled on the Video Nasties on Amazon Prime while
flicking through the available horror films at some point in the summer of
2020.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had watched a few Dario Argento
films, including <i>Suspiria</i> for the first time, and caught sight of <i>The
Burning</i> and then, rather more surprisingly, <i>Cannibal Holocaust</i> in
the list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was intrigued when I dug a
bit more and found a clutch of other lesser-known nasties there.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As a sidenote, I have thoughts on Dario Argento and his
films.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not going into them here, but
I may do so in the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Moreso if I
can find <i>Tenebrae</i> to watch, which is his entry in the Video Nasties
list.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOpNvlDW4CUjgIHXIyakBsj7mWAHKy6xZdmld4V2x_UiGl43rs_Zf6KqT3ILNic5JTmYxyMLQpsL4CuLkWhf_MiLiFm_PUoH0E9vY-WPnPsptAwCHLzAlpKurEr7hSLoIikWN03UpBABk/s372/Suspiria.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="372" data-original-width="268" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOpNvlDW4CUjgIHXIyakBsj7mWAHKy6xZdmld4V2x_UiGl43rs_Zf6KqT3ILNic5JTmYxyMLQpsL4CuLkWhf_MiLiFm_PUoH0E9vY-WPnPsptAwCHLzAlpKurEr7hSLoIikWN03UpBABk/s320/Suspiria.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There will be a reckoning.</td></tr></tbody></table>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br />Despite the reputation, not all of the Video Nasties are
horror films.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a section of them
that are crime films and another that are concentration camp exploitation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From what I’ve read of the concentration camp
films, I’m not surprised they got picked up, there’s going to be a ‘too soon,
man’ card on those for a long time.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What did I think of the of the Video Nasties I’ve
watched?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In general, they are bad
films.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are a couple of standout
films, like <i>The Evil Dead</i> and <i>The Last House on the Left</i> (which I
haven’t seen, annoyingly), but mostly it’s a lot of shit movies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They struggle to get over mediocre.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Of the ones I watched last year, <i>Cannibal Holocaust</i>
is probably the best film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll talk
about that later, though.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ll instead start at the absolute bottom of the barrel and
talk about <i>Zombie Creeping Flesh</i>, or <i>Hell of the Living Dead</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quite a few of the Video Nasties have
multiple titles, I’ve noticed, I mean in the case of something like <i>Anthropophagous:
The Beast</i> it’s because of multiple cuts of the films in question.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From what I can tell about <i>Zombie Creeping
Flesh</i>, this is not the case, it’s just the one terrible film that’s been re-titled,
like a way of fooling people into watching it over and over again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Believe me, there has to trickery involved to
watch this a second time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Getting
through once was a dubious achievement for me.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsQDYBGvIvVyvTexuBOUfy7tpdx7SD5pWgpVZwjUXS3zqAkOlYrMsFzEevgWN4SwwjJbmEgR1o6J7yugLWceelVa3Uqj3crFpceVS6SMvpqoPYAzrP2kdOyp_4tkdoyiPZC2qxuXfzGqw/s640/Zombie+Creeping+Flesh.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="407" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsQDYBGvIvVyvTexuBOUfy7tpdx7SD5pWgpVZwjUXS3zqAkOlYrMsFzEevgWN4SwwjJbmEgR1o6J7yugLWceelVa3Uqj3crFpceVS6SMvpqoPYAzrP2kdOyp_4tkdoyiPZC2qxuXfzGqw/s320/Zombie+Creeping+Flesh.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Even the cover looks low-effort.</td></tr></tbody></table>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br />I need to confess at this point that I don’t like zombie
films as a genre to start with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have
enjoyed zombie films, but they tend to be comedies like <i>Shaun of the Dead</i>,
<i>Zombieland</i> or <i>The Return of the Living Dead</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The whole premise of serious zombie films
leaves me cold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think liking
zombie films would have increased my enjoyment of <i>Zombie Creeping Flesh</i>.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Zombie Creeping Flesh</i> seems to straddle the
intersection between zombie films and cannibal films and benefits from
neither.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has the stupid protagonists
of zombie films and the racism of cannibal films.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lump that in with an obvious non-budget and
you’re onto a complete loser.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything
about it is bad, from the script to the acting to the awful, awful ‘action’
sequences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The notable thing about some
of the action scenes is the special forces guy who is supposed to be so agile and
quick the zombies can’t get him, but the actor has all the grace and speed of a
dried pile of mud, so that the zombie actors have to hold back from grabbing
the idiot.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">You almost have to give the makers a few points for trying
to make the obvious European location (Spain, specifically) look like Papua New
Guinea by splicing in stock footage of exotic animals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn’t work and looks even more
ridiculous when you see that the tropical trees in the stock footage look
nothing like the European trees in the footage the director shot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a lot to rag on in this film, but
I’ll leave it at it’s by the far the worst quality of the Video Nasties I’ve
seen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The awful cut of <i>Anthropophagous:
The Beast</i> might come close to the shit quality but manages to pip it by
having something approaching a coherent, albeit boring, plot.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Another film that’s almost as bad as <i>Zombie Creeping
Flesh</i> is <i>Night of the Demon</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m going to add a caveat that the print Amazon streams seems to be a
third-generation VHS copy, so that’s fantastic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This one is about a horny-angry sasquatch who stomps around the woods
murdering unwary travellers (including the biker who gets his dick wrenched off
for the crime of needing to go for a pee, one of the oft-mentioned scenes from this
turd) and having sex with a distressingly underaged girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is one of those films where I probably
wondered aloud if the makers actually know what a story is or are really just a
lone wind-up car bumping endlessly against a typewriter.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipuZfz6GFeAlm2NmPKF2Lsrk3T3jzS0dtQCBpDyWIiNzF-sUqtGJrtgTPGmPpMl03WlvvKPbrxEp7xOKbLn7dvl6hDfkzO84m7aSlrAICHLA0TOP1tgbQ_NLEmR3WRix6tkzWGPSECVDU/s352/Night+of+the+Demon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="352" data-original-width="244" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipuZfz6GFeAlm2NmPKF2Lsrk3T3jzS0dtQCBpDyWIiNzF-sUqtGJrtgTPGmPpMl03WlvvKPbrxEp7xOKbLn7dvl6hDfkzO84m7aSlrAICHLA0TOP1tgbQ_NLEmR3WRix6tkzWGPSECVDU/s320/Night+of+the+Demon.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Penis removal not shown.</td></tr></tbody></table>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><br />The Toolbox Murders</i>, <i>Death Trap</i>, <i>The
Burning</i> and <i>The Beyond</i> are all of a similar
terrible-but-better-than-<i>Zombie</i>-<i>Creeping</i>-<i>Flesh</i>
quality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>The Beyond</i> is the best
of these because it goes for and hits a demented dream-like quality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The effects are still laughably bad and it’s
more confusing than scary, but it does have the distinction of having an
interesting take on hell, which I’m sure inspired <i>The Void</i> from 2016,
which is a plus.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Death Trap</i> was Tobe Hooper’s follow-up to <i>The
Texas Chainsaw Massacre</i>, but it is nowhere near as good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He jumps at bonkers and, to be fair to him,
hits it, but then slithers down into stupid and dull.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t get away from the weirdly stagy
lighting of the whole film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I suppose
the constant red glow supplements the relentlessly sleazy atmosphere but
doesn’t make it a good film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Robert
Englund’s presence doesn’t save it and neither does the original Morticia
Addams, Carolyn Jones.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>The Burning</i> seems to be a bigger budget production,
scurrying as it does on the heels of the extremely successful <i>Friday the 13<sup>th</sup></i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The producers were even able to spring for a
score composed by arch-prog-rock keyboard botherer Rick Wakeman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not that bigger US studio productions
completely dodged being hauled in, there are far fewer of them on DPP’s
list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Y’know that <i>Friday the 13<sup>th</sup></i>
comparison?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It runs fucking deep, I’ll
tell ya.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ve got your summer camp
with a tragic prank-gone-wrong in its past, a bunch of randy teenagers and a
disfigured killer, although this came out a week after <i>Friday the 13<sup>th</sup>
Part 2</i>, (in case you didn’t know, Jason Voorhees didn’t become the antagonist
of the series until part two) so that last one was probably coincidence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The teenagers getting offed plot is, however
very much in the <i>Friday the 13<sup>th</sup></i> mould.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve seen reviews for <i>The Burning</i> saying it’s a
decent horror effort and I’m going to have to strongly disagree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For one of these films there needs to be
tension and that gets lost in the <i>Meatballs</i>-esque antics of the kids and
councillors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are attempts at
creating atmosphere at sporadic points for the first half, like the makers
forgot it was a horror and they were putting together a charming summer camp
comedy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Almost like they lost faith in
what they were doing, and given how slapshod it all plays out, I don’t blame
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you’re up for watching it, look
out for Jason Alexander and Holly Hunter in very early roles.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>The Toolbox Murders</i> is another relentlessly dull
effort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Supposedly based on a true
story, but not really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This one opens
with a flurry of murders, but then runs out of steam for what seems like two
hours, but is only about half an hour before a mid-film plot-twist tells you
that the makers should have put together a completely different and probably
more interesting film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll go so far as
to say that the story doesn’t actually start until halfway through the
film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As it is, it blunders along like
the worst made-for-TV-movie true story you could imagine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It blunders along as much as the completely
superfluous police investigation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
mean, seriously, the police don’t do anything to even advance the plot and
aren’t even interesting characters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mannequins in paper hats with ‘COP’ written on them would have done as
good a job.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDWBVQ-PmIkPNoGjQ9DN3k9ByxsIYcfS4C3FJIc6Pe5oURB3JFUYZrsoFG7Aej3zyAZXL9VRaX60BvjZG8gsB_b_0414dQWcYCWkVEPML8ot7HGkebJ8NcyraSaI-HVC0n3F3CWQzD4tQ/s1808/The+Toolbox+Murders.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1808" data-original-width="1280" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDWBVQ-PmIkPNoGjQ9DN3k9ByxsIYcfS4C3FJIc6Pe5oURB3JFUYZrsoFG7Aej3zyAZXL9VRaX60BvjZG8gsB_b_0414dQWcYCWkVEPML8ot7HGkebJ8NcyraSaI-HVC0n3F3CWQzD4tQ/s320/The+Toolbox+Murders.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It apparently gets a bit parky murdering a bunch of people.</td></tr></tbody></table>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br />An interesting thing about <i>The Toolbox Murders</i>, is
that there was a ‘remake’ in 2005 directed by Tobe Hooper called <i>Toolbox
Murders</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is better than both <i>Death
Trap</i> and the original <i>The Toolbox Murders</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i>Toolbox Murders</i> bears no relation, as
far as I can tell, to <i>The Toolbox Murders</i> other than the similar title,
and benefits greatly from it.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve decided to put the cannibal films in as a separate
thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because they share a lot of things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are all Italian productions of one sort
or another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really a huge portion of the
Video Nasties list groans under the weight of the excesses of Italian cinema.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">They are all racist as fuck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even <i>Cannibal Holocaust</i> with its ‘white people are the real
villains’ manages to do this by depicted the native people as a bunch of
barely-sentient and backward idiots.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They all manage to have the white person hard-on for how amazing white
people are in comparison to brown and black people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes an already unpleasant watching
experience even more awkward.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And speaking of unpleasant, let’s mention the fucking animal
cruelty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Animal cruelty is never
acceptable as entertainment, not even close to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet the makers of these cannibal films twist
it to make it even worse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Imagine
that!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Taking something that’s already
abhorrent and managing to find away of making it even worse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That takes a certain kind of talent, I
suppose, but not a talent that should be practiced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The makers of these film kill and torture
animals who were otherwise getting on with their day for no plot reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just in there for the gratuitous
titillation of a bunch of trogs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t
worry I’m not going to catalogue that shit, if you want to know, either watch
the films or look them up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s what
makes the cannibal film unique amongst the Video Nasties, along with the concentration
camp stuff, where you can see the censors might have had a point.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was wavering on leaving it to the end, but I think I’ll
kick off by talking about <i>Cannibal Holocaust</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The most famous of this subsection of the
Video Nasties list.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicRY06wLXk-McD0_B1j7BpHwirUOhBniq7UFaHb7WSQCzy23q1zZ9vlrM_SPOimBt7eyGyiRcTwwt1YWs50czIwF4xcnFwi716PJC9xiUjadpDSUjTZe8SKJtIlfG4SCn3kcOPEQI7if4/s832/Cannibal+Holocaust.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="832" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicRY06wLXk-McD0_B1j7BpHwirUOhBniq7UFaHb7WSQCzy23q1zZ9vlrM_SPOimBt7eyGyiRcTwwt1YWs50czIwF4xcnFwi716PJC9xiUjadpDSUjTZe8SKJtIlfG4SCn3kcOPEQI7if4/s320/Cannibal+Holocaust.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Better effects than feature in most of the film.</td></tr></tbody></table>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br />I do mean it when I say this is by far the best Video Nasty
I watched in 2020, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good film by any means.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has noticeable themes, even if those
themes are wrapped in a crunchy coating of racism and an unfortunate helping of
irony.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The whole point of this film is
that the filmmakers depicted in it are horrible people who did horrible things
to the locals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This includes the heavy
suggestion that they murdered a woman and staged her body in one of the most
iconic images from the film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The irony
being that the director, Ruggero Deodato, was a complete prick to the actors
and real-life locals he used as extras.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He filmed nude scenes of the female lead against her wishes as just one
example.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There’s no need to go into all the prosecution stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been repeating enough information in
this as it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you want to find out
about the controversies around <i>Cannibal Holocaust</i>, there’s lots of
places to find it.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s all very nice that Deodato admitted he regretted the
animal cruelty in the film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which I
suppose is something, but his treatment of cast and crew in light of what he
was trying to say with the film weakens his thesis just a tiny bit.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This brings me on to <i>Prisoner of the Cannibal God</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t actually have a lot to say about this
film in all honesty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s as dumb as
fuck, tries to be critical of western greed, flubs it and leaves us with a film
whose biggest point of interest is a naked Ursula Andress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Very diverting and all, but not worth nearly
one-hundred minutes of humdrum pish.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Finally, we come to <i>Man from Deep River</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This one’s a bit of a curiosity as it’s a
retelling of <i>A Man Called Horse</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have never seen <i>A Man Called Horse</i>, mainly because as a genre
the Western has never interested me, so I’m not in a position to compare the
two films, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say the 1970 film is much
better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just a wild guess there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only notable thing about this one, and it
is not a good thing, is it has by far the most animal cruelty of the three
cannibal films I watched.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To begin with
I was congratulating it on having very little, then the filmmakers roll up
their sleeves and really ram that shit in there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Golden Turd for going that extra mile to be
complete cunts, people.<o:p></o:p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_JS-xhTtRHx1_9Vft1392VWIXvoCPyeeECpCHJczD2jns1_8moYgiIS1Ho1JH88DLHMbCnA6xF1AElLYBLrVgrVB4vGnKPaNu7dXE8MnXVyT5edRcBgnSVJGv8GWPr-ZG9KpVyB99LaE/s1600/Man+from+Deep+River.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_JS-xhTtRHx1_9Vft1392VWIXvoCPyeeECpCHJczD2jns1_8moYgiIS1Ho1JH88DLHMbCnA6xF1AElLYBLrVgrVB4vGnKPaNu7dXE8MnXVyT5edRcBgnSVJGv8GWPr-ZG9KpVyB99LaE/s320/Man+from+Deep+River.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Still not sure what that thing is.</td></tr></tbody></table>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br />What all this boils down to is how stupid and nonsensical
the whole Video Nasties situation was.
Yeah, there needed to be control over the films put onto the
shelves. The solution of having ratings
on the cases was fine. The furore caused
by people like Mary Whitehouse is always going to go all Streisand and a slew
of terrible-to-mediocre films are going become famous even though they really
don’t deserve it. The cannibal films are
the only ones that deserved that kind of scrutiny but getting rid of the animal
cruelty would have cleared most of them up like lotion on haemorrhoids. Films like <i>The Toolbox Murders</i>, <i>Night
of the Demon</i> and <i>Zombie Creeping Flesh</i> should never have tickled the
general population’s consciousness, but here they are with more power than
their ineptitude and artlessness should warrant. And the top-tier of the Video Nasties like <i>The
Evil Dead</i>, <i>Possession</i> and <i>The Last House on the Left</i> should
never have been lumped in with the rest.
You may think I’ve judged these films harshly and frankly, yes I have,
because they are terrible films and must be punished.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now I still need to watch a bunch of less-terrible and
less-depressing films to flush out some of the shit left by these films.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you’re going to watch any of these films,
remember to have a happy or comforting film on standby as remedy, you’ll thank
me if you do.<o:p></o:p></p>William Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-67806073866224218162020-11-04T18:00:00.007+00:002021-06-29T12:13:10.333+01:00Late to the Party Again!<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilYnYoPwi7WMNcqZaytJJK2qx0rMNPpkg5_MoikIw6uZO2mxB4KujQs40XSGLEnqGJU_w_W6h_ZFmE7LjHd546M_IBcOVJsbf5vMAB_d3Dlh1ffE8YgCca_iiJeF4_q9NzM1E-ZL6T3hI/s445/Halloween+2018+cover.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="445" data-original-width="314" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilYnYoPwi7WMNcqZaytJJK2qx0rMNPpkg5_MoikIw6uZO2mxB4KujQs40XSGLEnqGJU_w_W6h_ZFmE7LjHd546M_IBcOVJsbf5vMAB_d3Dlh1ffE8YgCca_iiJeF4_q9NzM1E-ZL6T3hI/s320/Halloween+2018+cover.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">'Have you considered changing your energy supplier?'</div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">I am a fan of the original 1978 <i>Halloween</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ever since I saw that flickering
jack-o’-lantern and heard John Carpenter’s minimalist synth theme when I was
way too young and was told to turn the television off, it has been part of my
psyche.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I haven’t seen every entry in
the franchise: I didn’t get to see the final straight-to-video one with Paul
Rudd or the 2002 effort <i>Halloween: Resurrection</i>, and I refuse to watch
the Rob Zombie ones, because frankly, while I enjoy his music, he should not be
allowed in a film director’s chair.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, with that in mind, I was very interested in the 2018
effort directed by David Gordon Green he co-wrote with Danny McBride and
Jeff Fradley.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Due to a few factors,
mostly money, I didn’t get to see it in the cinema, so I had to wait an entire
year before getting to see it.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My first viewing was an enjoyable experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It moved at a fair clip, once all the set-up
was out of the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not the same as
the original, there is a different feeling to it, not quite as lean, but that
pace kept my interest until the finale.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, this is a good place to point out that what follows has
a plethora of spoilers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you haven’t
seen this film, want to and don’t want to have the whole thing given away, I’ll
give you a chance to zip off and perhaps come back to compare notes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That would be cool, right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Beyond the giant ‘spoilers ahead’, there will
be spoilers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ready?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>SPOILERS AHEAD.</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Everybody settled in who is ready to take this journey with
me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My first viewing of <i>Halloween</i> (2018) was a decent
experience, with that in mind, this year, a few days after
Halloween, I decided to go over it again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was kind of inspired by the trailer for <i>Halloween Kills</i>
dropping.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Let’s go over the plot, shall we?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just to get into the exercise.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This film takes place twenty years after John Carpenter’s
original and tosses out everything after that film, including <i>Halloween II</i>
(1981).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the straight-video-sequels
and <i>H20</i> (which made vague allusions to all those iffy early nineties
sequels) and, it goes without saying, the Rob Zombie films don’t even factor
in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Laurie Strode is Michael Myers’s
younger sister thread is thrown away as a rumour.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As such, the conceit is that after being shot six times and
falling out of a first-floor window, despite the disappearing act, Michael
Myers was apprehended.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We find him at
the start of this film in a psychiatric hospital on the eve of being
transferred to a more secure facility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He is being visited by a couple of English true-crime podcasters who
wave the Shatner mask at him that somehow upsets the other patients.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This came under criticism at the time, and
while it does have a bit of hokeyness, I can forgive it for cinematic casualty. It's atmosphere, man.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Myers’s attending doctor, Doctor Ranbir Sartain, is
sympathetic towards Myers and he’s unhappy with the upcoming transfer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This will come up later, remember it.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe32-iXGvbOSOswZpKiIQcYX7amT-K0mp-4VyxaDlyLNNewzoC4GFUP5n9R7juN5ZT1Iz26yJj9IkAPz8hwH3yCLZsSs8D0c0LQkMlaT-pcU7z_hMb73rzaOFQ8hQMM50Gyz2uqmXl7i4/s666/Ranbir_Sartain.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="570" data-original-width="666" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe32-iXGvbOSOswZpKiIQcYX7amT-K0mp-4VyxaDlyLNNewzoC4GFUP5n9R7juN5ZT1Iz26yJj9IkAPz8hwH3yCLZsSs8D0c0LQkMlaT-pcU7z_hMb73rzaOFQ8hQMM50Gyz2uqmXl7i4/s320/Ranbir_Sartain.png" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">He can't possibly have another agenda, right?</div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">On the same day, the podcasters go to visit Laurie Strode,
who has become a paranoid, possibly alcoholic, crank.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They anger her by waffling some
cod-psychiatric stuff at her about her connection to Myers and she tells them
to leave.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We are introduced to Laurie’s daughter Karen Nelson, her
husband Ted and her daughter Allyson.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is established that Karen’s and Laurie’s
relationship is almost non-existent because of Laurie’s all-consuming obsession
with Myers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An obsession that ruined
Karen’s childhood, so she tries to protect Allyson from Laurie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is a lot of stuff about Allyson
inviting Laurie to her graduation, Karen lying about inviting Laurie and Ted
being a bit of mild comic relief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Laurie
is triggered after watching the bus take Myers to the new facility and she goes
to Allyson’s graduation meal where there is a confrontation.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As is to be expected Myers escapes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The bus turns over in mysterious
circumstances. Dr. Sartain is injured, but survives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Myers murders a man and his son to steal their truck.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s at this point we are introduced to Deputy Frank Hawkins
who helped apprehend Myers before.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Myers racks up more kills as he goes through the employees
of a garage, in broad daylight and catches up with the podcasters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s here that he acquires the boiler suit
and gets his mask back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The pace picks
up too.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Allyson has a fight with her boyfriend at a Halloween party
and leaves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s no point in
mentioning him, as his entire purpose is to force Allyson to leave the
party.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He doesn't factor again and doesn't even warrant a killing.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Myers murders a couple of randos, getting himself a carving
knife, and also kills two of Allyson’s friends who were babysitting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is when Laurie has her first
confrontation with Myers in twenty years, but he escapes under her and Hawkins’s noses.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsFj12pn_Nt1GqaGM8u-d8swqO9qzQzw7I3Ow9batWELQ7qsEKkNSe8zKmdII32DNEjeqNr_Q_TgFIbebji78VGDrN81G1BvRHccbPL4Z5blUQgWMArEjZxKEiedcVqsIJIb6wbQXFMt8/s980/Halloween+2018+Laurie+Strode.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="403" data-original-width="980" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsFj12pn_Nt1GqaGM8u-d8swqO9qzQzw7I3Ow9batWELQ7qsEKkNSe8zKmdII32DNEjeqNr_Q_TgFIbebji78VGDrN81G1BvRHccbPL4Z5blUQgWMArEjZxKEiedcVqsIJIb6wbQXFMt8/s320/Halloween+2018+Laurie+Strode.png" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">You've got this, Laurie...or maybe not.</div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Laurie persuades Karen and Ted to go to with her to her
isolated house in the woods, while the police look for Myers and Allyson. Allyson can’t be contacted because her boyfriend threw away her phone.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sartain joins Hawkins in the search for Allyson, which
happens pretty quickly after Myers kills another one of Allyson’s friends after
they have an argument.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now we get the payoff to Sartain’s sympathies as Myers is
spotted by Allyson, and Hawkins runs him over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Before Hawkins can finish Myers off, Sartain reveals he has either a bespoke
murder pen or a tactical pen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever,
he stabs Hawkins to death and shoves Myers in the back of the cruiser with
Allyson.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ‘mysterious circumstances’
from earlier were Dr. MadBastard stabbing enough people to allow Myers to
escape and he would have got away with it if it weren’t for a literal pesky
kid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wants to ally himself with
Myers, but Myers being a consummate lone wolf murders all of the shit out of
him, while incidentally allowing Allyson to escape.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Two more police are killed, along with Ted. Ted, of course,
having about as much impact on the whole thing as the two anonymous police officers.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This is where my problems started with the film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Going through the plot again, there are some
curious things, but again, there’s leeway for the medium, you know?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Before I get to the main reason for me writing this, I’ll go
over some of the ways in which the film does good work, but most of these points have
caveats.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was amused by Allyson’s and
her boyfriend’s gender-swapped Bonnie and Clyde costumes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It does feel a bit like a novelty inclusion, though.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje44Y8uW-0LT5rsC_AKjxdhzFotRYrYajj34DjKUDpttrLCRxOzfLo028Ce3mLEJeZ38GOCHP9DCkF-fco8koecngPKl0mbnvb1XCsf0MAJ655OpqP4MBxpwAxVXq7YVsXOgLt5dPybq8/s1280/Halloween+2018+Bonnie+and+Clyde.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje44Y8uW-0LT5rsC_AKjxdhzFotRYrYajj34DjKUDpttrLCRxOzfLo028Ce3mLEJeZ38GOCHP9DCkF-fco8koecngPKl0mbnvb1XCsf0MAJ655OpqP4MBxpwAxVXq7YVsXOgLt5dPybq8/s320/Halloween+2018+Bonnie+and+Clyde.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">There are two characters here, I promise.</div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sartain could be seen as a representation of the dangers of
centrism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His ‘both the victim and
victimiser are damaged by the acts’ is as bonkers as the current political
media thoughts on both sides having a right to airing their views, no matter
how abhorrent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just like in real life, this kind of extreme fence-sitting only helps the party causing the
damage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is that me reading too much into
it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dunno, could be.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The feminist thread is a lot more obvious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the male characters are ineffectual
or outright harmful and it’s left to the Strode women to take care of
things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is a serious caveat here
that I’ll get to later.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Those nice shots that recreate the 1978 version are nice
though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like Allyson sitting in the same
classroom, even the same position Laurie did, looking out the window to see,
not Myers, but Laurie.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Here we come to the inspiration for this post.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll throw in a spoiler of my own here, the
end severely ruined my re-watch of this film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There was a hint or two earlier that it was going to drop into a mire of
stupidity, but I didn’t expect it to drop so far, even after my first watch.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Perhaps my expectations were raised after watching <i>Crawl</i>
(2019) a few days before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is
another lean film with a couple of capable characters in a fucking awful
situation and being thwarted by circumstance.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Myers is now at Laurie’s house which we would expect to be a
damned fortress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ve seen that she has
a hidden cellar full of weapons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
would imagine that the front door with the heavy metal bar would also be
reinforced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially those glass
panels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Laurie looks out at Myers after he’s just
broken poor old ‘I know Brazilian jiu-jitsu’ Ted’s neck and hides behind the
door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only to be almost throttled when
Myers easily punches through those not-at-all-reinforced glass panels.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We’ve already established Laurie is an obsessed crank.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She ruined Karen’s childhood in a
wrong-headed effort to protect her from this trauma that almost claimed her
life (oh, look a theme that I missed, the cycle of trauma), going to such
lengths as creating a hidden bunker brimming over with weapons under her
kitchen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She knows that Myers is an
implacable murder-force, who is improbably strong and has a minor waving
acquaintance with the idea of dying, but decided she just had to have those
decorative panels instead of toughened glass, or even a sliding panel she could
safely poke a gun out of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seems like
a bit of an oversight for someone who we’ve been told has been preparing for
this confrontation FOR FORTY YEARS!</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFdpaxJJILEHoPqReffLcWM80jvNWRBZAKWEITZe7A4B27N8LJ6qJQgqI5lXnpbzoS9rNIOujyKO_Tuj1i2xj1nKXTghZP5idt-NOGp4wBh68Cigu3G9xFOzJZ8DiI-kEuO8BRoT9m-aA/s980/Halloween+2018+breaking+window.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="653" data-original-width="980" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFdpaxJJILEHoPqReffLcWM80jvNWRBZAKWEITZe7A4B27N8LJ6qJQgqI5lXnpbzoS9rNIOujyKO_Tuj1i2xj1nKXTghZP5idt-NOGp4wBh68Cigu3G9xFOzJZ8DiI-kEuO8BRoT9m-aA/s320/Halloween+2018+breaking+window.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">'I stand by my choice in door aesthetics!'</div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As you all know, she escapes by blasting off a couple of
Myers’s digits with her shotgun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay,
okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then she just runs away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s fired a single shot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember, lumbering kill-golem, Laurie?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dude you’ve been having nightmares about
for five decades?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why you not empty the shotgun into that Shatner mask?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Why you run away?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if not
blasting face, pulping his knees with the shotgun would do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He obviously can’t magically regenerate, as
we see from the glimpse of his damaged eye where she stabbed him with a coat
hanger.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I get it, there had to be tension.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There had to be the possibility that Laurie
might die but getting a dose of The Stupids should never be it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stupidity is one of the biggest reasons
horror films stand or fall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few dumb
character actions can be forgiven and even move things along, when it’s the
only driver of the plot, the driver at a critical moment or the actions of a character we've been shown should be more than capable, we have problems.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The stupidity continues when Myers disappears somewhere in
the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Laurie has set up shutters at the door to each of the rooms, clever, in case she missed a corner, or he slinks in through
a window, he can’t sneak up on her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, she has one room, a single room, she’s decided to designate her
target practice mannequin room, which is also The Balcony Room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead of saying, ‘fuck it, I’ll just roll
down the shutter’ she goes in with a rifle and searches.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Weirdly this does not go well, and we get a
flipped situation from the 1978 film where Myers looks out to see Laurie lying on the ground, but
when he looks again, she’s gone(!).</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s almost the end game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Myers discovers the bunker where Karen and Allyson have been hiding. Karen lures him out to shoot him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When he falls into the bunker she and Allyson
run out and we discover it’s been a trap all along!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The whole house is set up to burn, with Myers
stuck in the inferno.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Except, not
really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cue, the bizarre trilogy idea.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvU5idQgusEy9M2vTX7SFe_B8lgCI-i2wrvW5TsffOa9BKoyRqsP8cegDKsyUKJN3yU_zy640HFrf7jpoSosNe4KI4BNjaE2qXimLgumY2Sr9r_b-Irr0p521Yc11zan1jSB7COadstig/s600/Halloween+2018+end+fire.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="338" data-original-width="600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvU5idQgusEy9M2vTX7SFe_B8lgCI-i2wrvW5TsffOa9BKoyRqsP8cegDKsyUKJN3yU_zy640HFrf7jpoSosNe4KI4BNjaE2qXimLgumY2Sr9r_b-Irr0p521Yc11zan1jSB7COadstig/s320/Halloween+2018+end+fire.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">'Fire? More like splire, amirite?'</div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This whole sorry mess undermines the women-getting-it-done
narrative.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are so many questions
and idiotic decisions that lead to the confrontation and it’s by sheer luck it
doesn’t just end up with three generations of women strewn all over the house
and Myers tottering off for his next scheduled massacre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I mean I’m not sure the entire house needed to be burned down – have a
heavy door that seals the basement, the superheated air would burn out his
lungs, Myers needs those lungs for his heavy breathing antics.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As far as I can see the whole narrative turns into a fucking
stew of dumb about the time Sartain kills Hawkins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like once he’d done that, he could
have taken Myers and Allyson somewhere to lure Laurie into the confrontation he
thought should happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would also
have set up her house as the final-final confrontation in the upcoming <i>Halloween
Ends</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The set up for <i>Halloween
Kills</i> is improbable even by <i>Halloween</i> standards.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve seen the <i>Halloween</i> films as a whole be described
as lazy, but I’m not entirely on board with that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The original still stands up, because it’s
not trying to do anything fancy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
2018 iteration was doing well until the climax, the set up for the two follow-ups
is just a lethargic cherry on top of an already sloppily finished desert.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m sad that the re-watch only served to show up the
horrible weaknesses in this film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
won’t be a film I’ll watch again, at least not by design.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I will watch the rest of this
trilogy to see how many tedious knots the writers tie themselves in to stretch
it out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know, I’m being part of the
problem, pity me.<o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhueBbc58szdTky1B0sMWqg56cbh-fQYEbDY6gSnSxRN-1u97xhtCj2bS5cflyMQcOCtoYm2c2e95JpK7BHcMWbz65sjUXq723AHy-OJfAaanDSvI1IhueltSs1GpsIPG4oAm7hxw4YFHE/s336/Halloween+3+cover.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="336" data-original-width="220" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhueBbc58szdTky1B0sMWqg56cbh-fQYEbDY6gSnSxRN-1u97xhtCj2bS5cflyMQcOCtoYm2c2e95JpK7BHcMWbz65sjUXq723AHy-OJfAaanDSvI1IhueltSs1GpsIPG4oAm7hxw4YFHE/s320/Halloween+3+cover.jpg" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Okay, I might give this another whirl after thirty-some years.</div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>William Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-87032527003345946552018-04-12T18:00:00.000+01:002018-04-12T18:08:58.020+01:00Where to find my books.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXkHW4fMZQvy3d3jUmtNp51ooqYXi1Fx2HZyeVL32w1buj5Qf5J-HQhdj-TIhZWL-7ksxubtJrlm6ui0DDGbab3kqnWI72C6QiJQPUich8WGvipSs2yuxdUutVHXPUoT-DPsJIYQOEctU/s1600/Avatar+%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="500" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXkHW4fMZQvy3d3jUmtNp51ooqYXi1Fx2HZyeVL32w1buj5Qf5J-HQhdj-TIhZWL-7ksxubtJrlm6ui0DDGbab3kqnWI72C6QiJQPUich8WGvipSs2yuxdUutVHXPUoT-DPsJIYQOEctU/s320/Avatar+%255B1%255D.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Some time ago I published a bunch of books on Amazon Kindle. Mostly they are ebooks, but there is a print version of DARK EVE, for those interested in physical copies. It's all horror. Lots of it.<br />
<br />
If you are interested in buying these titles you can find them on Amazon UK here:<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/William-Couper/e/B00CXQ8BA0">https://www.amazon.co.uk/William-Couper/e/B00CXQ8BA0</a><br />
<br />
And for the US, you can find them here:<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/William-Couper/e/B00CXQ8BA0">https://www.amazon.com/William-Couper/e/B00CXQ8BA0</a><br />
<br />
Buy! Read! Enjoy!<br />
<br />
<br />
WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-88422421315679908842017-08-02T22:41:00.000+01:002018-04-12T18:08:33.426+01:00On The Road to Worldcon 75 with Janos Honkonen, Kaaron Warren and William Couper<h2 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 18pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 16pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On The Road to Worldcon 75 with Janos Honkonen, Kaaron Warren and William Couper</span></h2>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-0f7ef280-a48c-3f0a-551f-041bc8b40514" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The </span><a href="http://www.worldcon.fi/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Worldcon 75</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> in Helsinki, Finland is drawing near! To get into the mood the independent publishing house Osuuskumma has launched a series of blog posts, where writers around the world talk about their work, the fandom, cons and everything spec-fi. Let’s see what’s happening in Finland, Australia and Scotland!</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<h3 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 4pt; margin-top: 16pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Who are you people and what’s your background as an author?</span></h3>
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
</div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: I’m Janos Honkonen, a spec-fi writer in my early 40’s, and I currently live in Turku, Finland. I have so far published one novel (</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaiken yllä etana</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, 2013), a bunch of short stories mostly in Finnish but some in English, and some comics. I’ve released one work of interactive fiction (read: a text adventure game) that won the 2012 Spring Thing competition, and I’m incredibly lucky to have landed a full time day job writing for video games.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m Kaaron Warren, a writer living in Canberra, Australia. I have four novels and six short story collections, horror and science-fiction mostly. I’ve been writing since I was a kid and published my first short story in 1993.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: This person is William Couper. I’m a writer from Scotland, living in Kirkintilloch. I’ve had a few short stories published in the last few years, mostly it’s been horror, but I do meander into sci-fi and fantasy when the fancy takes me. More recently I’ve waded into the murky waters of self-publishing. </span></div>
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<h3 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 4pt; margin-top: 16pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Why do you write speculative fiction?</span></h3>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: It’s fairly simple: escapism.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As a kid in Scotland if you were a boy you were expected to join the other boys playing football (or soccer, depending on your bent), but I was never that interested in the game. But, no matter where it was, at home or on the playground, the boys were expected to congregate and kick around a ball. A lot of the time I didn’t, I would go off and do my own thing, which was exercising my imagination. A lot of it based on television and films.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Horror films hooked me early, too, so when I picked up my first novel, it was a horror novel. A lot of my teenage years were spent cooped up in my room and that’s when I started writing short stories and eventually books. Writing stories I wanted to read, and still want to read.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Long story short, I write because it’s an extension of the habit of living in my own head.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<br />
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I pretty much grew on old school sci-fi, such as Asimov, Clarke, Heinlein, and my favourite, Stanislaw Lem. It was discovery and escapism, but the kind of escapism where you accidentally learned new stuff and got new perspectives to the world. (Although, oh boy - does Heinlein read differently at 15 and at 35.) From sci-fi I went to horror, and cheap thrills aside, for me it kind of did to human condition what sci-fi did to the universe. Horror switched the telescope to a microscope and gave new, terrifying ideas of what humans can be.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS_HNY20oD1HsjIj56M3cxok9rQINkPVo6XkXVWu06fFPPu96fYWhSS4oVz0SViKnBtKAioL8hXQKdeZBn4QDw4sRNqYj8u9qzLV87raRBYs86jUuhWkso0zIVc1rXMEqMpB4K-ZMLby4/s1600/IMG_0491.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS_HNY20oD1HsjIj56M3cxok9rQINkPVo6XkXVWu06fFPPu96fYWhSS4oVz0SViKnBtKAioL8hXQKdeZBn4QDw4sRNqYj8u9qzLV87raRBYs86jUuhWkso0zIVc1rXMEqMpB4K-ZMLby4/s320/IMG_0491.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">William Couper</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve written stories ever since I was a kid, and sci-fi, horror and later magical realism just were a perfect fit. What I want to do is to offer the same kind of thing to the readers which I got as a young reader: being entertained and a little bit educated at the same time.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: I’ve never read Heinlein, but I’ve heard people say there’s a difference in reading experience depending on age. What is that difference?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: FASCISM. Heh, okay, not quite the goose-stepping kind, but the ideological layer kiiinda shines through. Even in his YA-book</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Have Space Suit--Will Travel</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> the protagonist (SPOILER ALERT) pretty much shrugs away the bad guys being eaten alive and the evil race being wiped off in a genocide, because “there’s a limit how much you need to understand criminals”.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: Ah, yes, that whole business. Ol’ Bobby Heinlein’s, um, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">enthusiastic</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> politics. Stuff you don’t quite notice as a kid, but it’s like a siren once you’re older.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Like the novel </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Starship Troopers</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. Not really the sarcastic look at glorifying the military like the film is.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m probably a combination of both of you. I grew up in a household full of books, my dad being an avid reader. He loved SF and still does, so I read Heinlein, Asimov and the Nebula Winners, over and over. Once I discovered horror, through those terrifying old comics such as Weird Tales of the Macabre, I was hooked, just like Will. I discovered Stephen King via the movie version of The Shining, believe it or not. I can still remember standing in Woodwork class, hearing the radio commercial for the movie and thinking, “I’m seeing that, no matter what.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What’s your latest publication? </span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> When this comes out, it might be a short story called </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Eläimet huutaa, ihmiset ei huuda</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, in English “Animals scream, people don’t scream”. It was published in an anthology of body horror stories, and it’s an amalgamation of all the worst real world dentist stories I’ve heard from friends and acquaintances. The name of the story is a quote from a dentist with a real old school bedside manner.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: That guy sounds utterly charming.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Admittedly, It’s been a while, but the last thing published by someone else was last year with </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mykes Reach</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> in the Lovecraft anthology, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cthulhu Lies Dreaming</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, by Ghostwoods Books.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Oh, gosh, dentist stories….love that title, Janos! I wrote about a dentist in Dead Sea Fruit. She knew what sort of person her patients were by the smell of their breath. Creepy. I actually do have a collection of baby teeth that don’t belong to me or my children.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My latest story in print is Furtherest, in Cemetery Dance’s Dark Screams. Inspired by the true story of some missing children, and the dummies police made in an attempt to figure out who took them. It’s an Aussie Beach horror story.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What are you working on now?</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: Day in, day out, I’m of course hammering together the game in the day job. It’s a very much narrative game based on a comic, so it’s not just writing barks for enemy soldiers. I’m also trying to put together a treatment for an Augmented Reality game for another outfit, but I might have to drop that. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On the literature side of things I’m trying to get the second novel off the ground. I have one concept that got slightly overrun by a very similar award winning novel right when I was starting to write it, another good beginning where I ran into an impasse with background research, and a third one that’s too straightforward to keep my interest. So, heh - good at starting novels, but currently lacking the follow through. I’m working on a bunch of short stories, though, and I’m translating a long ass story of 18th century pirates of the Baltic Sea and modern wreck robbery in English. There’s also an English language film script on the back burner, waiting for another production to finish.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: I’m challenging myself at the moment. I’ve decided to do something non-fiction, but it’s still spec-fic adjacent which is...cool, right? I am putting together a book about my experiences and thoughts on </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Magic: The Gathering</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. I’ve never written non-fiction to the length I’m aiming at for this book, so we’ll see how that shakes out. It’s a totally different process of collecting your thoughts and codifying impressions. Remembering incidents from twenty years ago and trying to present them in an interesting way has been a big challenge.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What made you decide to focus on that part of your life, Will? Sounds like a really interesting concept! All those characters, in real life as well as in the game!</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m working on a couple of things. Finishing a robot story for Twelfth Planet Press but being distracted by the research, as can happen so easily! I’m also working on a novel inspired in part by a jail break that almost occurred from Goulburn jail. My novel imagines what happens if they got out. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then there’s the giant monster who lives under Old Parliament House here in Canberra, and the eternity cult story, and the one the car left abandoned by a cemetery, and...</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: Funnily, it’s something I cover in the book itself, but to cut it down, in part it was getting back into the game last year and realising it’s been hovering around in the background of my life in the years since I was first introduced to it. Another part was because I did a short-lived column on a website about my thoughts on and experiences of the game. When the people running the site had to shutter it, I didn’t want all this work go with it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I look forward to reading it. Nice that some of the work is done already!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What’s your process?</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: With short stories I’ve been lucky to have had a lot of those “the idea just came to me” moments. A great example is the story that I’m just about to publish in English as well, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Air Itself Caught Fire.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I was taking part in an anthology, but my original idea was too derivative of an older Finnish sci-fi story, and frankly rubbish. As the deadline crept near, I decided to drop the anthology. When I was leaving for lunch from my then day job, suddenly the non-fiction book I was reading and a random thought collided, I walked to the lunch in fugue, and when I got back to the office the story was there. It took two sessions to write quite a complete first draft. Some others I’ve managed to kickstart with the “a wall of crazy composed of post-it notes” method.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">With longer texts, like novels, this doesn’t really work too well. I tend to start writing with very vague ideas, and to see where the story is going. I suck at planning ahead, which is what I am learning how to do. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: Sitting at the keyboard.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Maybe some crying. Certainly frustration. A smattering of other vaguely clichéd writing process things.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don’t have a fixed process. Ideas come to me from all over. I’ve had the moments of inspiration, an idea sparking or a whole story winding through my brain fully formed. The moments before I fall asleep have been good for giving birth to concepts. I’ve also simply brute forced a story or used free-writing and mind-maps.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Once I have an idea, I’ll scribble it down in a notebook. It might sit there for a while, or I’ll expand it into a plot and character sketches. From there the story will be created.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Or I’ll get an idea and white-knuckle it to the end.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My process is chaos, uncertainty and the terrible, terrible fear it won’t work this time.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will, I’m with you on that terrible, terrible fear it won’t work this time! I’m never really sure, even when I sell the story. I’m always wondering what I missed, how I could have worded things better.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Like both of you, I tend to start with the idea, the moment of inspiration. In my research for the robot story, I came across a description of a ‘very slow robot’, and had this image of a robot digging for a thousand years to rescue someone. I really like it but can’t use it at the moment!</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then I’ll try to figure out what the story is about. Often this is scribbling notes and just letting my imagination wander around. It’s also researching, reading, talking to people. For the monster under Old Parliament House story, a friend mentioned the urban myth that there are great pools of diesel in the basement there, and that was the final clue I needed to finish the story.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I work out whose voice I’ll tell the story in, because that really decides where the story will go. Sometimes it takes writing a few pages of description of the place, or a nutting out of the original idea, but I usually get there in the end. Once I have the voice, I can bash out a first draft. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I usually do at least five drafts, I reckon.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Where does the magic happen? Where do you write and work?</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> When I was an overachieving freelance journalist, I spent over seven years writing at home, so currently whatever apartment I live in live in isn’t a place where creativity dwells in. I used to write mostly on the move, in bars and cafes and such. Unfortunately I got my neck broken for me and caught a slight case of paralysis, so I can’t be that mobile anymore. I had the huge luck of getting an awesome work room in a local game incubator, though, where I do most of my writing and game prototyping.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: Nothing spectacular. Due to space, I write in my living room, at a desk.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Gosh, Janos! A broken neck...one day you can tell us the story of how that happened. I most write at home, moving around the house, following the sun. I like to write in our National Library, which is quiet and smells of old books, and has the most amazing paper archives. I’ve found letters from artists I admire, talking about the settings that have inspired them, and much much more.</span></div>
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<h3 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 4pt; margin-top: 16pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What is the zeitgeist with speculative fiction where you live ?</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Right now the Finnish speculative fiction field is enjoying a golden era. The large publishers are struggling a bit, and they don’t necessarily publish a lot of “marginal” literature such as domestic sci-fi. The thing is, smaller independent publishers are popping up to pick up the slack, and there’s almost a glut of anthologies coming out every year. It’s amusing to see the non-genre critics and reporters lament “the death of short stories”, when on this side of the fence the yearly amount of published stories is around 200-300.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One noteworthy thing is that in the year 2000 a spe-fi novel won the most prestigious literature award up here, Finlandia. The novel was </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Not Before Sundown</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> (</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Troll - a love story</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> in U.S.) by Johanna Sinisalo.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: The wrongest question to ask me. I’m not one of the spec-fic cognoscenti. Anything I try to add to this will be open to accusations of almost stone age ignorance. So I won’t be foolish enough to try.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ll have to see if that novel is available in Australia! I’d love to read it. Genre is doing okay here. We still struggle to be seen at the literary festivals, though that is changing a lot with writers like Garth Nix and Kate Forsyth finding great success. We have a number of excellent small press publishers who focus solely on Spec-fic. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What is the spe-fi community like where you live?</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There’s a goodly bunch of us here. You’ll meet a lot of them at Worldcon! I’m not sure how many are coming over, but a lot! We don’t have a lot of conventions each year (annually one in Melbourne, Perth and Canberra, with the National Convention usually held in one of those cities) and so we tend to attend them well. I’ve always found it to be a very supportive community, and I try to welcome new writers in just as I was welcomed. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: Again, since I’m not completely, plugged into the community, I’m not too sure. From my limited perspective, the UK as a whole has a solid bunch of people, especially on the sci-fi/fantasy side, guys like Charles Stross and China Miéville standing as giants. You’ve also got Grant Morrison, Warren Ellis and Alan Moore.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Closer to home, there’s Hal Duncan and Neil Williamson doing interesting stuff. There’s no doubt more and I apologise for my ignorance.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m not terribly sure what’s going in the horror-side of things. Which is probably terrible, given I profess to write mostly in that genre. Am I the worst? I think I might be the worst.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: The sci-fi, fantasy etc. community in Finland has been very thriving and active for such a small country. We have a tradition of zines which have offered a great way to get published, Finncon has brought in guests of honour and offered the usual non-commercial con fare since the 80’s, etc. Traditionally Finncon has been quite literature oriented, but it has evolved with the times. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">A thing to note is that the Finnish fandom is and has been quite egalitarian from the beginning. By this I mean it hasn’t been strictly a boys’ club where the women are seen as groupies or just girlfriends, and they don’t generally have to prove they are “real” fans. Oh, and I was told the representation of women publishing short stories in professional and semi-professional levels has been so strong, that in 2000’s it may be that more short form spe-fi is published by women than men.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: That’s a very interesting observation about the Finnish spec-fic scene. What do you think accounts for the higher numbers of women being published in Finland? What do you think the rest of the world could learn from it?</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Someone who was in the trenches back then told me that there was a contingent of female fans right from the beginning, and female editors working in semipro zines. No doubt this paved the way to a fandom that’s more equal, and helped establish women as writers. Apparently there were some boys’ clubs, who - and I quote - “tried to reconquer their manly field, drunk and in jest”, but apparently nothing very serious. Seems like we dodged some bullets which are still drawing blood here and there, especially in video game and comic circles. </span></div>
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<h3 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 4pt; margin-top: 16pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What’s your relationship with and thoughts about WorldCon?</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I’m interested to see what’s it about, and perhaps to see some friends and contacts from abroad. I’m not much of a con person, frankly. I went to RopeCon a few times in the late 90’s and the turn of the millennium. No, despite the name it’s not a bondage thing, but the biggest non-commercial role-playing con in Europe. I and I’ve visited Finncon only once, which was last year when my short story was nominated for the yearly Atorox prize. I don’t have anything against cons as such, they’re just not generally my thing, especially the bigger commercial ones. I’ve been to Supanova for work, and although it was nice, it was a bit… clinical compared to the craziness of the local non-commercial cons I’ve gotten used to. I’ve also been to SDCC for work once, and man, I’d rather chew my leg off than do that again. Nevertheless, skipping Worldcon would be just stupid for both personal and professional reasons, and I’m pretty confident it will be a nice experience!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: I’ve heard of WorldCon, but I’ve never been. I’ve been to a few conventions before, with the idea of making contacts. The experiences have been good on a purely fun level, but an absolute failure in a business sense.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Well-run conventions are essential for the life of the communities they represent. They get people together, they build relationships. Fans getting to meet their favourite creators and like-minded folk keeps things vibrant. Creators get to talk together, compare notes or simply unwind. Conventions are a net positive for everyone.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Janos, there’s no way you could miss this one! I wish I was coming over for it. I went to Worldcon in Montreal, which I loved, and in Melbourne, which was fantastic because it was in my own country so nowhere near as expensive! I found both of them huge but small at the same time. There are thousands of people there, but you find your own small group, or various small groups, and hang out with them. I met a lot of people I’m still friends with in Montreal and the same in Melbourne. I’m always inspired at conventions, both with ideas for stories and motivation for keeping at it.</span></div>
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<h3 dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 4pt; margin-top: 16pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What is the greatest challenge for you as an author?</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: It’s a terrible admission, but concentration is the biggest dragon I need to slay when I’m writing. When I’m fully committed, everything’s great, it’s like my mind is on rails and stuff just flows. Other times, I tap out a sentence or a paragraph and then something catches my attention and I go, ‘ooo, a shiny’ and half an hour later I haven’t written any more. It’s a constant struggle.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I’ve lately had to admit to myself that I’m not a very prolific writer when it comes to novels. With short stories I’m doing okay, I have 5-6 of them coming out in different local anthologies this year, including one translation, plus one comic. The thing is, if you want to make a career as an author, you should be able to crank out novels in some predictable fashion. Maybe things change, maybe not, but that’s what’s currently bugging me.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Also, as I mentioned, I’m not as mobile as I used to be, which makes it hard to do the kinds of outdoorsy spontaneous things I used as palate cleansers for my brain. It makes it a bit harder to concentrate on being creative. The words hide in places where I don’t have an access to anymore.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: Aye, the challenge of having the constant flow of work is another major thing. Because my workstyle is so, not quite random, but less than consistent, predictability is a severely limited commodity.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I also agree that having things outside of writing, no matter how small, can keep the engine turning over.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Definitely good to have something else going on outside of writing. I’ve heard it called ‘refreshing the wells’ and that works for me. One of my greatest challenges is finding clear amounts of time. With a family it can be tricky. Even though my kids are teenagers now, they’re all very present in the house. I decided some time ago that this can’t stop me, though. If you wait for the perfect moment and the perfect place you’ll never get anything done. So I try to get over that! I work two days a week in a second-hand shop, and that provides me with a lot of inspiration!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhND1bGw7KwDhVreLRLg9dImvjSbsZjs6IL2gdFisHAKtiG2Vs6yi1ZLLjAjiyVTqMiUUy0EqtRjG7VlCHMxtr3wmEZ_Kk3YF4wd3EPOrJD9gLNHqNQOW6k7mhv_mz2qF-Fpn7N_kyt8QE/s1600/20170728_153902.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhND1bGw7KwDhVreLRLg9dImvjSbsZjs6IL2gdFisHAKtiG2Vs6yi1ZLLjAjiyVTqMiUUy0EqtRjG7VlCHMxtr3wmEZ_Kk3YF4wd3EPOrJD9gLNHqNQOW6k7mhv_mz2qF-Fpn7N_kyt8QE/s320/20170728_153902.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Oh, a store with creepy dolls. Tell me, is it one of those Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppes that you can find only when it wants to be found? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Writing with children in the house, phew - it’s sometimes hard for me to concentrate when there’s just one adult around. I guess it might build a certain kind of work ethic, though. Like you said, not waiting for the perfect moment, but barreling through.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Funny you should say that, Janos, because that’s how I describe it sometimes! It really does seem that way. We have the most remarkable finds there. I found the school geography book belonging to my best friend’s brother, who lives two states away and hadn’t seen the book in about 45 years! It just came into the shop!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You really do need to re-think writing time with children around. I wrote one story while making a pot of bolognese! Inspiration hit and I knew I had to get it onto paper. So I scribbled pages in between chopping the carrot and the celery, stirring in the tomatoes, all that!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What is the latest work of fiction that made a big impression on you, or your biggest influences overall?</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: I don’t think I’ve got one, single major influence. Like my working method, it’s all chaotic. There’s not one work and there are numerous authors and I find it impossible to whittle anything down to a singular.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The first novel I read was a big guiding factor, even though it was schlocky as all hell. It inspired my love of writing and of the horror genre. Reading a lot of Shaun Hutson drew me in further, grisly and over-sexed as a lot his books are. Dean Koontz was one of my favourite authors for a long while, but, like Janos’s attitude to Heinlein, reading Koontz’s work with a more mature eye does it no favours.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I suppose an obvious influence is Lovecraft. You know, without the hideous racism. The idea of strange things inhabiting the universe that can destroy us without knowing appeals to me. And weird monsters. I like weird monsters.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Terry Pratchett is another big influence, mainly for his storytelling ability and style. I’ve read most of the Discworld books and, more recently, the Long Earth books he did with Stephen Baxter.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s all a bit of a mish-mash of different sources, adding lots of different flavours to what might be called ‘my work’.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Stephen King and Daphne du Maurier, definitely. Early influencers and I still re-read both at times. I love reading short stories, and those are what I often read. Ellen Datlow’s Year’s Best anthologies are a must, as are Paula Guran’s and our Australian ones too.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Oh, I remember only one story from Daphne du Maurier, Blue Lenses. I read it as a kid, I may have been around 10 or 11, and it has haunted me to this day. I just may have a story coming out next year that just may play with a similar idea.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What has made the biggest impression on me in the last few years is Matthew De Abaitua’s The Red Men. It’s kind of corporate occult sci-fi, and the style is quite literary and refined. It’s a book that’s hard to pin down, but I was totally blown away. And I’ve got to say Kaaron that your novel Slights is something I’ve recommended to people maybe twice this year alone. It got under my skin in a good way.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As for the influences, I’m a big Philip K. Dick fan, and I enjoy both reading and writing stuff where the reality is somehow malleable. I guess that shows in my first novel, and the second one I’m trying to hammer together. I also want to do something like what Neal Stephenson does in his novels, which is to educate while entertaining. Almost all of his books have taught me something and made me dig up more information about the subject. I guess that’s what I aim to do with many of my short stories: to sneakily impart information about for example marine archaeology, the pirates of the 18th century Baltic Sea, the history of the atom bomb, and so forth. I guess a big part of this is also the fact that the old school hard sci-fi taught me so much about science that I want to do something similar.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> The recently released movie My Cousin Rachel is another of hers. It opens in the book describing a gibbet. That setting inspired one of my own stories!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: white; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 14pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Shillin’ like a villain: what works of yours would you like to promote to people?</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kaaron:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> I have a novel out from</span><a href="https://ifwgaustralia.com/title-the-grief-hole-trade-paperback/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> IFWG Publishing </span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">which is the first book to win all three Australian genre awards. It also won a Canberra Critics Circle Award, which is cool! That’s called The Grief Hole. It’s the Book of the Month at the Big Book Club on ABC Canberra. You can listen to an interview about it </span><a href="http://www.abc.net.au/radio/canberra/programs/afternoons/grief-hole/8764132" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">here</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. There’s an illustrated version of it, by the amazing artist Keely van Order. A stunningly beautiful book. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Janos:</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> In Worldcon, our publishing outfit Osuuskumma International will release an anthology of spe-fi stories from new and established Finnish writers, including me. The anthology is called </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Never Stop – Finnish Science Fiction and Fantasy Stories</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, and you can find more information </span><a href="http://osuuskumma.fi/osuuskumma-international/never-stop-finnish-science-fiction-and-fantasy-stories/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">here</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. You can buy it on paper </span><a href="https://holvi.com/shop/osuuskumma/product/8c7e059efedcccf480faa57b52c1a7c9/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">here</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, and as an ebook for example in </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Never-Stop-Emmi-It%C3%A4ranta-ebook/dp/B074B6V7FF/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501526282&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=never+stop+finish+speculative" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Amazon</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. My contribution is the story I mentioned earlier, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Air Itself Caught Fire.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> There’s also a collection of 100 word drabbles called </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Self-Inflicted Relative</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> out for Worldcon, and you can get it </span><a href="https://holvi.com/shop/osuuskumma/product/968a536f7baa507c07403a6124697353/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">here</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The third and last volume of the comic anthologies I’ve been writing for, </span><a href="http://www.torsobear.com/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Torsobear</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, is out this summer. The genre of the anthologies is fluffy-noir, which means something like “Sin City meets Toy Story”. Great fun to write, and I got absolutely splendid illustrators for my scripts.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Will</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">: </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Cthulhu Lies Dreaming</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> is still available from Amazon and other outlets, you can find out about that </span><a href="http://gwdbooks.com/books/cthulhu-lies-dreaming/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">here</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Speaking of Amazon, I’ve published a bunch of Kindle books and they’re </span><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/William-Couper/e/B00CXQ8BA0" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">here</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Recently I made my novel </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dark Eve</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> available as a print edition and that is </span><a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dark-Eve-William-Couper/dp/1521750076" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #1155cc; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">here</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span><br />
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<br />William Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-29160013088290896182015-03-04T17:00:00.000+00:002016-03-28T10:17:36.236+01:00Two Sides? No Sides!We're in the final big mudslide before a general election. Political fuckers from all sides are getting their licks in, trying to persuade us poor unejicated plebs what's best for us, in a particular tone taken by Westminster political spods. You know, the ones who are all tied to City of London vampires. The ones who don't want working people to get a fair shake because of some vague ideological standpoint that pay equality is bad.<br />
<br />
Don't ask why, it just is. Shut up and keep watching <i>Eastenders</i>, <i>Coronation Street</i> and whatever the current reality TV is. BBC News will keep you informed of what we want to tell you and how you should think about it. We've also got <i>The Sun</i> and <i>The Daily Mail</i> for you to read. Oh, and by the way, inserting rusty pins into your genitals is a fucking fantastic idea.<br />
<br />
But I digress. That's a conversation for another time. Or have I said all I need to on the subject already? <b>DRAMATIC MUSIC!</b><br />
<br />
That was an interesting digression. Right out the gate, whoosh, go off ninety degrees to where I wanted. Back on point, fucko.<br />
<br />
Since the Scottish independence referendum there's been heightened political engagement in Scotland. We saw droves of people rush to join the SNP and the Greens. In the wake of a number of promises broken and others Satanically twisted in their fulfilment, we watched as Labour turned into a pariah party in Scotland. They and the Tories worked hard to stop people from voting for independence, and they succeeded, in an entirely, hilariously, pyrrhic way. Instead of a small portion of the Scottish population eyeing the Westminster lunch club suspiciously, now a big chunk of the country looking really closely at that prawn cocktail and wondering how many jobs were lost in order for the tubby MP to have it. Not that Westminster give a fuck, their most important voting demographic is also their biggest, funnily enough, and resides around the south east of England – right on their doorstep. Still, it's something of a worrying niggle to them I imagine, like those head aches and the voices. Oh, the voices.<br />
<br />
No, Mister Stumpleflush, I can't possibly do <i>that</i> with a corkscrew...<br />
<br />
So with all that as a wonderful background, with Scotland's populace suddenly more engaged and in a perfect position to turn the screws on Westminster. What do we start doing the moment we've got this level of engagement? What's the bestest idea you can think of with this all going on? Anybody? Nobody can guess?<br />
<br />
We split into tribes. Yay! Something positive is taking place, let's suck all the fucking good from it and turn it into a Who Can Call Each Other Cunts Most contest. Yep. We'll erect tents at either side of a fucking ravine and scowl at each other. Get a nice big animosity inflation unit going to blow huge floats that hurl insults at the people on the other side. And possibly sprays cat piss at them while they're at it.<br />
<br />
It's like a fight over territory between two factions of chimps, except without all the screaming, shit-flinging an– oh, fuck it I can't even finish that sentence. That level of lie would implode the entire fucking planet.<br />
<br />
It's just really nasty. It's like there's something burrowed in human psyche that means we can't just be a majority on something. We have to schism down the middle and throw bodily fluids at each other. Nice foetid ones at that. The ones we've collected in jars over the years and let get good and decomposed.<br />
<br />
There's nothing wrong with being at different side of a political discussion. That whole thing of robust political discourse being an important corner stone of democracy is a valid argument, but the problem is, in our fractious internet age, people retreat to be with people of the same political standpoints as them. It's natural. We don't want to spend every day being told we're wrong and it's good to be around smarter people who can give us ideas to defend our standpoints when we do encounter people who tell us we're wrong. The sticking point comes when we don't leave these groups and they become an echo chamber. Those conditions are arsehole ideology breeding grounds.<br />
<br />
It also means when people of different political opinions come together from these places, dripping with the absolute smelly determination they're right, it turns into sloppy shit fight. You know what's horrible in a political discussion? I'll assume you actually want to know and haven't just wandered off with your fingers in your ears going, "I don't do this. I don't do this," like a cunt. It's when anyone, on any side, rolls their eyes and goes, "That's just typical of what your side says," as if to dismiss them. I do it when I'm reading shit the Tories are up to, and I'll probably do it a dozen times today, the difference being is that I'm not in discussion with someone with a differing opinion. Yet this is an accepted part of political discussion, even including the inevitable snorting.<br />
<br />
It's not even isolated to internet or private conversations, it's used in the highest political discussions in the land. This is a response you'll see in assemblies and parliaments right across the land. Like it's some kind of all-powerful weapon against ideologies that will cut an opponent off at the knees without a response. They're right about one thing, it <i>is</i> hard to respond to, outside of 'you're a cunt'. Of course it's typical of what one political view would say if it aligns with their political view. Fucking morons.<br />
<br />
It ties in with the whole thing of a misunderstanding of what robust debate actually means. Watching footage from the House of Commons is like watching a bunch of unsupervised and undisciplined school kids scream at each other from across the play ground. It's a football away from a couple of MPs rolling around on the floor punching and biting each other. It's rowdy, it's horrible, it doesn't get much done and that seems to be the way our political wanks want it. If that's how top level political discussion goes, what does that leave for the rest of us?<br />
<br />
That's right. Festering penis scrapings.<br />
<br />
For fuck's sake, we need to be a bit more mature about how we discuss these things. Yes, you disagree with what that SNP person or Tory person is saying, but outright calling them a cunt isn't going to get you anywhere, even if it is justified. Passion is good. Passion gets shit done. Foaming mouthed, eye-rolling raving makes people reach for the fucking cattle prod.<br />
<br />
Pack it in you fucking idiots.<br />
<br />
<br />
WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-60317578152690586382014-11-26T17:00:00.000+00:002015-03-09T10:08:03.277+00:00Back On Pandora.Well, it's not really back on Pandora. In case it wasn't immediately obvious, I'm talking about the follow-up to the game I had an embarrassingly long obsession with – <i>Borderlands 2</i><sup>*</sup> – that means I'm talking about <i>Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel!</i>. That exclamation mark seems to be quite important and makes further punctuation difficult. I think they did it on purpose, just to annoy people. Like me.<br />
<br />
I'm going to go ahead and spoiler the shit out of this game. It's been out for over a month, but if you've stumbled (miraculously, because hardly anyone seems to) on this post, haven't played <i>Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel!</i> yet and want to, I'd close the door quietly on the way out and come back when you can tell me I'm talking shite.<br />
<br />
I'll come out and say it right out: I enjoy this game. I've been playing on my own and with my wife since it came out on 17<sup>th</sup> October. I've kept abreast of the digging into the game and know quite a bit myself, so I decided to give my thoughts on it thus far. A review, if you will. But I'll say it again, despite anything else I might say, I enjoy this game. It is flawed, and because I have the best interests of the game at heart I see those flaws and want to salve them. Not everybody's going to agree with me, but tough shit. Opinion, man! OPINION! But really if I were a journalist, I'd be the kind who meekly writes the most harmless stories when I know the terrible truth and then after years is found overdosed on booze, sleeping pills and painkillers. I'm brave, me.<br />
<br />
So, what do we have? I'll tell you what we don't have, it's not <i>Borderlands 3</i>. That's something that needs to be said outright. From its setting – the time between <i>Borderlands</i> and <i>Borderlands 2</i> – to its general feel – it's a tweaked version of the <i>Borderlands 2</i> framework. <i>Borderlands 3</i> will probably be an evolution of what's gone before, and although we have some interesting things happening in <i>Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel!</i> it's not different enough to be that new game. I can see why some people have been prompted to say it's a glorified DLC, but it isn't that either, fortunately. The campaign is too substantial and the four, going to six, playable characters are all hallmarks of a separate, if very linked and similar game.<br />
<br />
In this game we follow Handsome Jack, the villain from <i>Borderlands 2</i>, as he gets help from a new group of vault hunters to overcome a new threat to Pandora. This all takes place on Pandora's moon Elpis and involves all the Borderlands-y insanity and ludicrous violence we've come to expect since the first game. You get a bunch of twists and turns on the road through Jack's inevitable downward spiral. It's all fun and mostly funny. Not everything reaches its hilarious potential. Davis Pickle is a bit of clunky misstep, the Artful Dodger thing raised a smile for a moment and then I started rolling my eyes when he explained every...bit...of...fucking...rhyming...slang<sup>**</sup>. That aside the story bobs along and we're introduced to the Australian-themed moon with all the cultural nods and winks that entails. I'm sure there are some American-baffling <i>Home and Away</i> and <i>Neighbours</i> references buried in it, fortunately I haven't seen those, and I'd be too embarrassed to admit I had – fucking soap operas. I giggled a lot at the wider cultural references and, of course, Mr Torgue.<br />
<br />
Also to put in the 'cool' category we actually get to hear what the vault hunters think of all the crazy shit that's going on. Their reactions lend some humanity and, at times, hilarity to the narrative and its nice not to be in control of a voiceless cypher. Especially as there's the sense that these are supposed to be independent characters and not faceless clay to be moulded like in any number of RPGs. Some of the dialogue can get tiresome, though, especially if you're playing the game for an extended time. For the most part it works and is an extension of what was done with the <i>Tiny Tina's Assault on Dragon Keep</i> campaign expansion. And including different voice overs for the two (current, because after the implementation of Ultimate Vault Hunter Mode in <i>Borderlands 2</i> I'd be surprised if it didn't make a return here) playthroughs was a great choice as well.<br />
<br />
The game feels like <i>Borderlands 2</i> and the characters and weapons handle in much the same way. The addition of lower gravity and air-poverty are cool. The need for oxygen in large parts of the game isn't as terribly intrusive as people feared and it's a lot of fun to use it to soar over Elpis and slam down on...I would say unwitting, because some enemies seem to be fucking clairvoyant...foes. The enemies are still almost mindlessly aggressive, so you have situations where they are trying to shoot at you through walls, which is frankly weird. The new cryo element is another great addition and much better than slag.<br />
<br />
Now, we come to the segue-way from me being purely complimentary to me being critical. Loot is still a problem in this game. Mostly, you can charge through with the weapons you pick up, get from the golden chest or missions<sup>†</sup>. What if you want the rarest of the loot? The legendaries. There are a bunch in this game, some of which return from <i>Borderlands 2</i> or look exactly like ones in <i>Borderlands 2</i>, which was a bit disappointing in itself, but not awful and gave a little extra bit of familiarity and a link to the games nominally bracketing <i>Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel</i>. The drop rates are still an issue, one-in-thirty from sometimes quite challenging enemies still feels mocking. It's even worse, now that I know that legendaries, skins and heads are all linked to the one pool. Character customisation shouldn't have to come at the expense of hours upon hours of grinding and legendary equipment shouldn't be made even harder to get because those same customisations push them out. You shouldn't need to fight a raid boss thirty times to get a single legendary, if anything it should have a high chance to drop multiple legendaries. It all goes back to what I said before about the difference between frustration and fun, dudes. There have been people who defend this policy, often with empirical data, but the act of playing a game isn't quantifiable with numbers, it's a lot more about how a player feels and if we feel like we're getting a bit screwed (whether we are or not) it's going to impact our enjoyment and whether we pick up another one of your games. Here's a wee, hastily thought out suggestion for those with the numbers mind: have a sliding scale dependent on the type of boss. Mini-bosses will have a one-in-twenty chance to drop their legendaries, main bosses have one-in-ten or -twelve and raid bosses have one-in-five for one, one-in-ten for an extra and one-in-thirty for a third. Raids should never drop anything lower than blue, either. That would make raid bosses more rewarding and rewarding is what this is all about, right? I'm sure I'm right.<br />
<br />
This neatly moves me onto the other great frustration about the game and that's the non-respawning enemies with assigned loot-drops. Why have an enemy, with a legendary that has that horrible drop rate, that you can't get to go after again? It beggars logic and it's ruler-across-the-knuckles mean. I can see a vague argument that it's in keeping with <i>Borderlands</i>, but why add such an unfair feature? There are plenty of call-backs to the first game and that's one of the shittier ones. It's a bizarre decision, but then Gearbox seem to enjoy their bizarre design and gameplay-tweaking decisions. The most recent of which was lessening the drop rate of a grenade from an uncommon enemy, when most players hadn't seen the drop. I think it comes from a bunch of people saying they'd seen this item drop a few times. This was a tiny percentage of a community that, has been said time and again, is a tiny percentage of the overall player base. It's nice that Gearbox pay attention to the community, but this is just silly – it wasn't game-breaking and the item dropped isn't that great, so why mess with it?<br />
<br />
Admittedly, the legendary problem has been mitigated by the addition of the Grinder, into which you can throw items you don't want and possibly get items of better quality. That's a fucking cool feature, I have to admit. They've also boosted the quality of the equipment you can buy from vendors, so that legendaries have a good chance to appear in the items of the day. And it's even better when you can afford them, and it means money actually has value again in a Borderlands game. Those are design decisions I can approve of. However, not everyone wants to play that way, they might be weird and messed-up<sup>‡</sup>, but some people like to farm allocated drop sources for their stuff. These people don't want to stand at the grinder hoping to get the item they want, they want to go out and find a high-powered enemy and make them PAY! Reducing so many enemies to single-instance encounters robs the players of end-game experience. And we want end-game experience, we want to play this for ages. Choice is a big part of the Borderlands experience and the choice to get equipment in different ways will extend the life of the game more than making enemies bullet sponges.<br />
<br />
And that's the problem, and a problem I understand <i>Borderlands 2</i> suffered from early on, too, there's not that much to do once you've completed the game a few times. The single raid boss isn't enough to sate most players. There is more content to come and that's good. There is a single campaign add-on advertised. I really hope this is groaning with content. An absolute ideal is something that's as long as <i>Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel!</i> main game. That's unlikely, but it would be wonderful if it happened. Regular events would be another fantastic way of boosting the life of the game. Things like scaled-down versions of last year's Loot Hunt event would be fantastic, with a weekend or a week of an item or two getting a drop boost. We've already had the Jack-o'-Cannon in <i>Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel!</i> for Halloween and it was a great bonus. You have the power to make us want more, Gearbox! You know, by giving.<br />
<br />
So those are my thoughts on <i>Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel </i>after over a month playing it. It's a great game and, with a few tweaks, can be a terrific game. I'll be playing it for some time to come. Shooting insane arseholes in the face is surprisingly addictive.<br />
<br />
<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">And you can read all about that creeping insanity: <a href="http://willcouper.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/pointless-or-ahurgaflurgan.html">here (part one)</a> and <a href="http://willcouper.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/grinding-on.html">here (part two)</a>, if you're so inclined. The first one caused a tiny (not being ironic, it really was barely visible) stir on the Gearbox forums, but hardly anyone read the second. Maybe I got gun shy after the first. Some people got quite aggressive and unpleasant and it didn't encourage me to want to discuss the matter on the forum further. A needless explanation there, for people who didn't care. And unexpected poetry!</span><br />
<br />
<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">His sister, the Pygmalion/My Fair Lady-inspired, Eliza does the same. Now, she's a character that deserves the hate Pickle gets on the Gearbox community forum. In a game full of nasty sociopaths, she is one of the worst: screwing people over and leaving others for dead is all par for the course in Borderlands, but we're expected to like Eliza. Problem is there's nothing about her that is likeable. Even Handsome Jack's funny. Eliza is just a monster and it feels off, even for Borderlands, to let her go about her dastardly business.</span><br />
<br />
<sup>†</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Admittedly, the mission rewards are still some of the best in the game.</span><br />
<br />
<sup>‡</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Okay, okay, it is fun to go off and shoot a baddie in the face until he tearfully hands over the legendary you've been after. Within a reasonable time-frame, not three days.</span><br />
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Will<br />
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P.S. Gearbox, gies a writing job. I can write good!William Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-27672149608606882682014-11-12T17:00:00.000+00:002015-11-18T18:21:03.703+00:00Goodbye, Doctor.Well that was a big pile of fucking terrible. Obviously some of you out there don't agree. You're strange and wrong, of course. What am I talking about? Doctor Who, of course. That little BBC show that was off the air for about fifteen years and was brought back in 2005, to much fan fare and fandom creaming. Really, about nine years down the line the shine's tarnished a bit. And by 'a bit' I mean its now about as shiny as a tennis ball. So it goes without saying I feel the need to go on a spoiler-ridden rant about it.<br />
<br />
Seriously. <b>SPOILERS</b>, morons. If you don't want anything given away because you haven't caught up don't read on. Although, I don't think anyone who is interested in Doctor Who will be behind that much. You never can tell.<br />
<br />
I'll admit I was one of the many people who got very excited when it was announced Doctor Who was going to return. I watched it as a kid. From what I learned more recently I was the only one in my household who enjoyed it. How's that for making you feel shit? Makes me feel like I was some kind of pre-pubescent dictator of the television. That just sounds hilarious when thrown out into the ether.<br />
<br />
So, the excitement in the year or so before Russell T. Davies brought Doctor Who back to the screen was quite palpable<sup>*</sup>. Christopher Eccleston was a good choice. An actor with gravitas and the ability to play it light. And ears, such magnificent ears. My enthusiasm lasted through that first series. Even then, there were concerns.<br />
<br />
I mean the format for Doctor Who was always multi-part stories, told in half-hour chunks. Davies came back and changed the format to stand alone forty-five minute stories. It wasn't too terrible, for a while, but we'll come to that.<br />
<br />
Then there was Rose Tyler. In the first of this new series, the preoccupation with the companion was quite refreshing. Rose Tyler wasn't a terrible character, and I was surprised how good an actress Billie Piper is, being more accustomed to her previous incarnation as teeny pop performer. Now I see that's when the rot started to set in. Russell T. Davies ran with this and Steven Moffat's taken that cue and gone further with it. The companion being either a fawning cypher or unreasonably stubborn. Whatever the companion, they shoved in one of my pet hates about modern storytelling: the pathological need to have a romantic subplot. It's not the pinnacle of story, most of the time it's as interesting as overhearing a loud teenager's phone call. Now we're here, on the cusp of the abyss<sup>**</sup>.<br />
<br />
The latest series of Doctor Who has been a dismal affair. It's not just the preoccupation with the companion, in this case the empty vessel that's Clara Oswald, but let's dwell on it a moment. In a show that's ostensibly a fantasy/science fiction premise, it felt like a lot of time was lavished on the life of Clara Oswald. It's happened since Rose Tyler, through What's-Her-Name<sup>†</sup> and Amy Pond. These last series it's been turned up a couple of notches. To the point it felt like a standard drama with some sci-fi spotted through. Not even interesting drama. The most mundane and boring stuff they could dredge up:<br />
"What's for tea tonight?"<br />
"Chips."<br />
"Oh, okay...Oh look. The Doctor."<br />
Wouldn't have been so bad if the sci-fi stuff counterpointing it was at all interesting, but it was like a shot of beige thrown into a wall of grey.<br />
<br />
It doesn't help that Steven Moffat can't seem to write women. This post <a href="http://freethoughtblogs.com/godlessness/2014/11/02/and-doctor-whos-missy-is-one-more-of-steven-moffats-interchangeable-women/">here</a> details his many crimes against women characters. Clara Oswald was a dull character who was supposed to have strong traits, but never managed to show them. She could have been played by a washcloth on a stick with 'Clara Oswald: Strong Female' stitched on it<sup>‡</sup>. In the last episode of the latest series The Mistress describes her as a 'control freak'. What? I never got that. You can't just say that without having the character display it. She was deceitful and wilful when she wasn't being a compliant puppet, but control freak? And her wilfulness was always used in the most stupid way, in order to advance a plot that was in danger of plunging down a hole and managed to find another one. Not that plot holes worry Steven Moffat much...<br />
<br />
...Because, as <a href="http://www.cracked.com/video_19026_its-time-to-retire-doctor-who.html">Cracked</a> observed, Doctor Who currently lives in a fucking plot hole. And fuck does it. I couldn't even tell you what the last few episodes were about, they were such a mess. I have been chided in the past about my stories lacking internal logic. You know, that thing where, no matter how nonsensical something is in a story, it makes sense in context. Sapphire and Steel was great at it. Most people couldn't follow what the fuck was going on, but there was a sense of some underlying logic that you just didn't understand. Current Doctor Who tosses that out the window BECAUSE SOMETHING FUCKING COOL IS HAPPENING! That only works in small doses, when entire episodes are full of contradictions it gets tiresome. It feels like the writers have been throwing things on a page and hoping they miraculously come together. That only works with stir fries.<br />
<br />
I could even forgive the twisted mess the stories have been if they had been interesting, but they have completely lacked any kind of excitement. You can see they want to be, like the kid who's wearing the glasses and drawn-on scar, really wants to be Harry Potter, but doesn't quite do it. Russell T. Davies wasn't great at this kind of narrative excitement, but he did manage it, possibly by pure chance, in all the arm-flailing and scurrying around. These recent episodes have been plodding affairs desperately pointing at the screen and shouting, "See! Excitement!" while pointing at a tree. The stakes never felt that high.<br />
<br />
The stakes should have felt high, since the reboot, the series has been running on series-wide arcs. These in themselves aren't a problem, but it's the need for a new story every week that's ground down the poor show. It's the same problem that dogs American television, with its obsession for twenty-two and -four episode series. It gets tired. There's only so much that can be mined out of a premise. Before for Doctor Who, that took almost thirty years, with the previous longer-form, multi-part stories, but it's been accelerated this time with so many stories being thrown at us in a series.<br />
<br />
And the cardinal problem, for me, is that in a show called Doctor Who, we haven't seen that much of the Doctor. Whether that's actually the case, I don't know, I'm sure some pedant will show me a spreadsheet showing, empirically, the Doctor was in the show the most. The problem is, stories don't run on empirical evidence, they run on feelings and if you leave viewers feeling like the <i><b>eponymous</b></i> character hasn't been seen enough, you've done something tragically wrong. Yes, they pulled it off in Blake's Seven, but there was actually <b style="font-style: italic;">a valid narrative reason</b>: Blake was dead. What's Doctor Who's excuse? Steven Moffat wants to concentrate on Clara and Danny going down to Asda? We really need to know how many times a week they see each other? Come on, that's not drama, that's a desperate bid to make people turn off the television.<br />
<br />
For me, after discussing it with my wife, it comes down to a basic problem: Doctor Who is a pure nostalgia-fest. People who watched the original run, like yours truly, and loved it. We are hoping for a snippet of that feeling, but for me at least, it's not coming. I've tuned in week after week only to be disappointed and bored again. Yes, there have been good things, but they're bogged down and buried by the utter shit. Don't trot out that tired, "it's a kid's show" bit, because that's no excuse for shitty writing. Doctor Who is tired now and I suspect a proportion of people tune in hoping it improves, only to be disappointed, their little forty-five minutes of sadness on a Saturday night for a few weeks. This could be the only thing keeping it afloat.<br />
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After the Christmas episode, I'm out, and I'll probably cringe my way through that. I can't handle the disappointment any more. I can't handle the fucking terrible stories, either. The final episode of the recent series was an exercise in not creating tension. It was remarkable that scenes with a plane besieged by Cybermen could be so boring. It was so bad I can't even come up with an amusing simile that encapsulates tedium. But Michelle Gomez was fucking amazing.<br />
<br />
There are some things that can be done to improve it: for a start, give us the Doctor, doing things, being mad, solving problems like a fucking beast. He's smart and he's resourceful, but that hasn't come across well recently, because he's been mostly absent. Ditch the cult of the companion, it's the worst while giving us an interesting companion, even go so far as a non-human or non-contemporary human. Think through what's happening in the story more, dude. Pulpish madness only works when there's a baseline somewhere, without that, doesn't matter how mental that baseline is, the viewers are floating around with a nothing plot. I'd even plump for longer story arcs, two or three episodes to tell a story and let it breath more – the, "woo! thrown into the plot" thing makes me weary.<br />
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None of the above will happen, mind you. Too many people are vocal in their love of Doctor Who, but for me it's lost its appeal. It's a bit sad, but I'll be off watching things that are fun, instead of hoping for another episode of Doctor Who to end.<br />
<br />
<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">I may have jumped up and down clapping at one point. It's out there, deal with it.</span><br />
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<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Hyperbolic? Me? I resent your unspoken implication and challenge you to a duel. That I won't turn up to and call you a prick for going.</span><br />
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<sup>†</sup><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Yeah, I skipped the series with Catherine Tate, because I found her comedy vapid and unfunny, I couldn't imagine watching her as a companion. I might have been wrong in my assessment, but that's where we are.</span><br />
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<sup>‡</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Before anyone starts shouting at me for some misogynistic slight, Danny Pink could have been played by another washcloth on a stick with 'Danny Pink: Man'.</span><br />
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Will<br />
<br />William Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-26660718519895895052014-10-29T17:00:00.000+00:002014-12-01T17:42:01.560+00:00Yes, We Do Have Priorities."Stop talking about this and think about this!" I've been seeing this sentiment a lot recently. My language might be vague and you're probably already wondering, after a whole sentence, why the fuck you clicked on this blog. You need to bear with me. I have a point, but I'm going to waffle a bit before I get there. Make yourself a cup of tea or relax yourself with some porn, whatever it takes, I'll be waiting<sup>*</sup>.<br />
<br />
Done? Got yer tea and biscuits in comfortable reach. Cleaned up? Dribbled tea everywhere when you thought you'd be a smart arse and try to do both things at once? Sicko. We'll assume you've done whatever thing you needed to relax yourself and we'll say no more. Especially about the stains. Oh, the stains.<br />
<br />
You know when you see something so odd that it stops you in your tracks? Sometimes you go, "Oh, right," and carry on with your day and pour out those cold beans from the can and shovel them into your mouth<sup>**</sup>. Sometimes that weird thing gets you thinking. It could be anything, but let's go with a celebrity's face suddenly <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/10/21/renee-zellweger-face-surgery-pictures_n_6019670.html">changes to something unrecognisable</a><sup>†</sup>. It's obvious that's she's had work done. Enough to alter the way she looks so drastically. Now, I don't think it's fair to shame her, she's a victim of a hypocritical system that pulls women one way then another, mocking them for just about any decision they make.<br />
<br />
The small rumble of interest caused a few people to start wailing about all the other things wrong in the world. Excuse me? "There are more important things in the world than Renée Zellweger's face!" No kidding, crazy person.<br />
<br />
Even stranger, and more odiously, was when Nigel Farage waded into the vague nonsense that was the <i><a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/attacks-on-ukip-calypso-show-just-how-skewed-peoples-priorities-are-9814360.html">UKIP Calypso</a></i> this week. Now, the song was an offensive piece of crap on a number of levels, and I'm not going to link it. But the pan-faced goblin that is Nigel Farage got on his high horse in the Independent. He does the same, "There are more important things to be angry about," rant and then points, obliquely, at Ebola and more blatantly at historical child abuse in Rotherham. In this article you can almost see the straining erection he has for getting more column inches and air time for such a stupid thing and then thrusts a veiny, probably corkscrew-shaped, stiffy in the faces of anyone close by. It was easy publicity for a racism-factory that runs on a sticky fuel of grubby attention<sup>‡</sup>.<br />
<br />
This curious phenomenon of pointing at things that are more important to shift attention away from something seen as fairly trivial does a disservice to people in general. You are aware that we can give thinking time to other things, right? Some things make a bigger impact, and time does dull them – be honest, in a few months both of the examples above will be forgotten. By squealing about them you've got people thinking about them for longer and perversely taking attention away from the thing your trying to point out. People are weird, contrarian and arseholey about that.<br />
<br />
People do need to think about other things than all the horrible shit that's going on in the world – even if it is a minor scandal or uproar – because we would become either fatigued or humourless existers who can't eat because they are stuck in constant sad face. It's like having a tiny bit of salacious gossip and screaming at the person, "I don't care if he fell into bed with his brother-in-law's wife, what about fucking PALESTINE<sup>§</sup>!?"<br />
<br />
Yes, giving any thought to the small things is silly, and that's kind of the point. We're still aware of the giant ogres and injustices stomping around the world, we just need something to take the edge of or we'd go fucking nuts. I notice no one ever berates anyone for looking at cute animal vids on Youtube. Sometimes we need something less horrible to be able to deal with the nightmarish shit that's going on.<br />
<br />
And then, of course, looking at my half-formed examples above more closely, you'll start to see that they're indicative of much bigger issues with society. Poor Renée Zellweger is a new poster child for our fucked up attitudes towards women – she shouldn't have felt the need to use surgery to look younger, but she conversely shouldn't be pilloried for doing it. Nigel Farage and UKIP are fucking cancerous political spectres, stoking hatred against certain demographics, giving voice to the worst kind of bigotry and polishing it up as mainstream politics. You know why Farage and his particular breed of ghoul are trying to do this? To line their already pretty money-padded pockets. They are an expression of our greedy-shit political system, amplified to a chinless, guffawing, hundred pound note-smoking, poor-mocking caricature straight out of a Dickens novel.<br />
<br />
In Nigel Farage's case in particular, you have to ask who benefits from the distraction: the song itself was a distraction on its own, but still shone a spotlight on UKIP's spineless dickery, so Farage<sup>§§</sup>, the slippery fuck, did a bit of crafty sleight of hand. He got publicity for the party while diverting attention away from their abhorrent policies. He's clearly been getting lessons from David Blane<sup>§§§</sup>.<br />
<br />
So, everyone, just calm the fuck down, take a deep breath and let's just agree that Nigel Farage is a cunt.<br />
<br />
<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Just keep thinking about that when you're trying to crank one out.</span><br />
<br />
<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Oh? That's just me. Okay. Fuck.</span><br />
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<sup>†</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">I mean, seriously, if the captions and headlines hadn't said who she was, I wouldn't have known. No, Russell Brand, that's not a result of getting older. Ageing a few years in adulthood doesn't cause that level of appearance change.</span><br />
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<sup>‡</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">And, fucking hell, the BBC have been doing enough of that. How much of Farage's tainted champagne have BBC execs drank to constantly shove that cunt to the forefront of political debate in the UK when UKIP are still essentially a fringe party?</span><br />
<br />
<sup>§</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">But really it's still fucking awful there.</span><br />
<br />
<sup>§§</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">He might be a giant grinning thumb, but he's a sharp grinning thumb, that's why he's so dangerous.</span><br />
<br />
<sup>§§§</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Is that charlatan shithead still around? Levitation, fucking hell.</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-25590221283913678652014-10-01T17:00:00.000+01:002014-10-01T19:45:54.498+01:00And Lo, It Happened.A short one after a long absence. I've just had all the wind knocked out of my sails.<br />
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I write this a week after the No voters won<sup>*</sup>. It's still raw. I was going to go on a rant, but this <a href="http://willcouper.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/goddamn-it-its-not-about-that.html">post</a> covers everything already. Just add something about a moronic war and fracking fucking everywhere.<br />
<br />
I will say I'm a tiny bit more optimistic than I was last Friday. There's been this groundswell of political interest as some No voters are realising just what they've done and incensed Yes voters rally to push change. I say I'm only a bit, because, like the promises made by the three main parties a day or two before the referendum, there is no politic interest or will in Westminster to listen to us uppity Jocks. Labour and the Tories will simply turn away and pretend it's not happening. I hope I'm wrong and the collective force of will affects change, but will hope be enough?<br />
<br />
<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">I say won, but they're swimming in the same shit as the rest of us, only some of them are grinning and gloating about it.</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-19938861136997656782014-06-25T17:00:00.000+01:002014-12-01T10:04:44.233+00:00Goddamn It! It's Not About THAT!I'm going to insult some of you. Yeah, I've probably been insulting your intelligence in this blog for a while, but today, I'm just going to come out and say it, I'm going to insult you. To be honest I think the ones I'm going to insult need it. Probably won't achieve much, but...well, I haven't thought much past that. Rest assured there's a good reason, I'm sure you'll come up with one, you brainless fuck.<br />
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Got this booklet through the door this morning. Actually, this afternoon, since the poor, overworked postman would be shoving the bloody things through <b>every single fucking door</b>. The booklet was called <i>What Staying in the United Kingdom means for Scotland</i>. It claims to be information. It reads like a fucking book full of patronising orders and flimsy proclamations to me. It's a publication created by the vested interest of Westminster<sup>*</sup>.<br />
<br />
And it was the final straw on whether I should go off on a fucking rant about the question of Scottish independence. I'll tell you right now, I'm for it. Just get that right out there before any ambiguity can set in. I'll be voting yes.<br />
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Do you want to know why?<br />
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Probably not, but I'm going to tell you. I'm sick of London being the centre of every decision made in this country. It feels like every political and fiscal decision made by the UK government is for the benefit of the parasitic resource sink in the south east. I have nothing against London, it's a wonderful place to visit, but that doesn't mean I want every decision made in the rest of the country used to prop it up. It's not right and it's not fair. Money and people who would benefit areas like Yorkshire, Cumbria and Central Scotland are drawn to the city to the detriment of these places. How the fuck is that right?<br />
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It's like the clichéd school bully who demands your lunch money and gives you nothing but pain in return. The rest of the country only gets inflated house prices in return for sending tributes of people and money to the insatiable London. A whole country can't be used to finance a single city.<br />
<br />
Yet we, the Scottish people are urged to stay with this abusive relationship, because, we're condescendingly informed, it's better for us. Yeah, I like being scudded in the head with a cane while some cunt who has enough money already dips my fucking pocket. And none of the current national parties will do anything different, because we have a bunch of creepy career politicians who are beholden to equally creepy business interests. Rich folk helping out rich folk, aye they have our best interests at heart. Bunch of fucking cunts.<br />
<br />
And you do realise why some of the Better Together people are shouting so loud, right? No? How about if I say they're MPs? That help you out?<br />
<br />
They are another vested interest. What happens to all those Scottish MPs in the event of a 'Yes' vote? That's right, they don't get their subsidised trips to London any more. Oh no! Their relevance will twirl away down the toilet. You know and the nice, generous expenses and chance at a juicy peerage. But of course the money and title has nothing to do with it, it's all about doing the best for their constituents. I do wish there was a sarcasm tag.<br />
<br />
Let's be clear, too, this isn't some wrong-headed <i>Braveheart</i><sup>**</sup> pish about fucking the English. That has nothing to do with it. I think the rest of England could benefit from getting shot of slimy shits that inhabit Whitehall. The UK government doesn't really represent Scotland or the rest of the country as it stands. If the current UK government wasn't hacking up the NHS or punishing poor people for not having enough money or being led around by the nose by tabloid journalism, I might waver a bit more, but what we see is Tories and LibDems slashing at the infrastructure of welfare and finger-fucking the wounds.<br />
<br />
And that's another thing, all the fuckwits who think "I don't like Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon," is a valid reason for voting no, please take a swim in the North Sea with bowling balls tied to your legs, because your diminutive IQ is dragging the rest of us down. Yeah Salmond is an egotistical goon, but we don't need to have him forever. An independent Scotland will still be democratic, we won't suddenly become a dictatorship. Vote the fucker out once we have our own country. Simple as that.<br />
<br />
I'm sure there's a chance he'll turn on us when he gets into office, but I'd rather take that chance over dealing with the Westminster fuckers who've shown they'll happily slit a newborn's throat if it got them a few extra coppers in their pockets. The breed at the top in the Houses of Parliament at the moment are the most heartless, corporate and ideology-driven fungal-infections you can imagine. In it together; or in it for themselves? You shouldn't need to think about that if you follow the pattern of their behaviour.<br />
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Essentially, if you vote 'No' to independence you've forfeited your right to complain about any Westminster government, because you told them you were happy to let them continue to do whatever the fuck they like. I mean they've already fast tracked privatising the Royal Mail, what kind of shit is that? Who's to say the next government won't start to renege on devolution, because, "<i>Clearly</i> you want to have more to do with Westminster. Why else would you stay in the union. Come, this will only hurt forever."<br />
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Tell me you can't imagine that walking modelling balloon David Cameron doing something like that to appease the great Maggie. Seriously, can't you just imagine him having a shrine to Margaret Thatcher in his bedroom, with the mask he makes his wife wear when he's fucking her hung up next to unnervingly intimate photos of Thatcher? David Cameron and that smirking goblin Nigel Farage show the same contempt for Scotland as Thatcher did. It's the same contempt they hold for anyone not as rich as them. You want a shit-monger like Cameron to still be making decisions from Downing Street? Fuck, do you want barely there political drone Ed Milliband in Number Ten? What sort of hell do you think he'll rain on Scotland? Those adenoids are just waiting for their revenge, people!<br />
<br />
Then you have the leaders of the Scottish Labour party and the Scottish Conservative party, Johann Lamont and Ruth Davidson, who hold the people of Scotland in such little worth they don't believe we can think for ourselves. Johann Lamont just out and said it. Ruth Davidson hasn't in so many words, but, because she's a Tory, it's an easy bet she believes it, too.<br />
<br />
They all subscribe to the same corrosive notion that rigid capitalism is the most sensible economic option. Yeah, and trickle-down economics works. Fucking hell, the idea of infinite growth for anything is the most preposterous notion ever conceived. Not to sound hysterical here<sup>†</sup>, but it's a big old lie. It's a lie to keep already frighteningly wealthy and powerful people in the power and wealth they think is their right. It's the same lie that's led to sell offs of public services or the barmy notion that public services should be profitable. That's not the benchmark of a public service's worth; efficiency isn't decided by how much money electricity, public transport, the postal service or healthcare makes, it's how well they're doing to stop society from crumbling around our ears. Taxes from the businesses these services help to support should be invested, not wrenched in bloated bills from the pockets of normal people. The fact that Westminster politicians are so cowardly and lacking in imagination to dare deviate from this dogmatic bollocks scares the living shit out of me and it should you, too.<br />
<br />
Do you really want to be still part of that shit? If you do then you're a fucking moron. You don't deserve my respect. Or air, for that matter.<br />
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I'll concede, though, both sides in this campaign have been guilty of being cagey on several subjects. It's not been a nice campaign. The Yes side have stooped as low as the No side and that's fucking shameful. We shouldn't let this political bickering put us off getting our own country. The transition won't be easy, my friend, but there's a chance it will be worth it. Can it really be as bad as what we've had shoved down our throats already?<br />
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<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">There's a brilliant ripping apart of it <a href="https://www.blogger.com/wingsoverscotland.com/lies-and-replies/">here</a>. Or there was. The fucking links died hasn't it?</span><br />
<br />
<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">I fucking hate that piece of shit button-pressing film. It's not about freedom, it's about a fucking sociopath annoyed because he can't get his dick wet.</span><br />
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<sup>†</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Dude, already happened, wipe the spittle away.</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-87474649261199051602014-06-04T17:00:00.000+01:002014-06-04T17:00:00.473+01:00Tut tut tut. I'm So Disappointed in You.It's been a little while, hasn't it? Not quite as long as before, but I've been quiet for the better part of a month. Not that you'd notice.<br />
<br />
Why? Well because none of your fucking business, nosy bastard.<br />
<br />
I've been waiting for something to strike me just the right way to say something about it. I've also been holding back on something that will come in time. Oh, my yes, I got me a big bag of bile right here on that score.<br />
<br />
So, this <a href="http://metro.co.uk/2014/04/19/first-50-shades-now-one-direction-fanfiction-after-is-reportedly-set-to-be-turned-into-a-movie-4703363/">little bit of fuckwaddery</a> was brought to my attention. Read it and let it sink in, right under your skin, that burning itch is normal. One Direction fan fiction given a huge advance and now being adapted into a film. This isn't a precedent, because a previous fan fiction bod got a book deal out of her <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/teenage-one-direction-fan-fiction-writer-gets-book-deal-8199938.html">work</a>. Loving the Band was rushed to e-book, without much said about the advance. Actually I noticed the Independent was curiously reticent about giving any kind of details on the deal, kinda weird, doncha think?<br />
<br />
The new one seems even worse, because there's this suggestion that there hasn't even been an editing process. Ahem, what? Are you fucking kididing me? <a href="http://bethanyhatheway.wordpress.com/2014/05/31/stop-writing-gold-start-writing-shit/">This blog</a> led me to <a href="http://jennytrout.com/?p=7674">this blog</a>. Our erstwhile writer in the second blog is, understandably, bemused. I'm fucking furious.<br />
<br />
As she points out, we writers<sup>*</sup> are told when we start out on the long, frustrating, painful road that we have to be at our fucking best. Hone our shit to a razor-sharp edge and then, maybe, a publisher might arch an eyebrow in interest. Once we've been allowed in by the erstwhile gatekeepers we are sent to editing boot camp. I know a few professional writers who go through the wringer with edits to get their work in what is considered publishable shape.<br />
<br />
Yet, we see this girl get her work fast-tracked by the publisher. Not her fault. I'm not angry at her, there's no point, she's probably delighted to have her work in print and getting a fat cheque for it and let her enjoy it. As Jenny Trout points out, there's always a chance Anna Todd might mature into a good writer. Although looking at Emily Baker, that might not hold. The people my ire is aimed at are the publishers.<br />
<br />
This will probably mean I'll never see my work in print, but, fuck it, the more people who point this shit out, the better.<br />
<br />
This kind of thing is part of the same horrible decline that's happening with the film and music industries: risk-averse bullshit where the blandest shit is shoved at us in pretty packaging. New things are to be shunned if they don't instantly have millions of people clamouring for it. Anything that makes even a wee bit of money is jumped on and aped, without understanding why it's popular. So publishing has followed suit, getting quick-fix crap on the shelves and paying the often vacuous cardboard cut-outs we call celebrities wads of money for ghost-written drivel.<br />
<br />
It feels like the industry is kicking sand in the face of people like myself, hungry for a break, but told we're not quite good enough or what we're writing isn't quite right. When poorly-written shit<sup>**</sup> is packaged and thrown out for public consumption like it's the pinnacle of writing achievement, we the mass of writers, who feel like we are kept out by this shit, we have to look askance at the big publishers and ask if they know what the fuck they're doing<sup>†</sup>.<br />
<br />
I don't know where to go with this now. My anger's played itself out. Impotent, impotent anger. I'm going to lie down. Really we should expect better from the big publishers, shouldn't we?<br />
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<sup>* </sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm a fucking writer. I might not have success, wealth, fame or even earn a living, but I do the work. That's how it works.</span><br />
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<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Let's not mention that fucking shit-monger E.L. James who hit on the genius idea of shittily re-writing shit fiction. That's so fucking expired it might cause me a stroke.</span><br />
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<sup>†</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Don't get me started on self-publishing, though. The advice for that makes you like a needy arsehole. Nope, not for me.</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-17749727880981030092014-05-07T17:00:00.000+01:002014-05-07T17:00:01.103+01:00Nothing This Week.Seriously, nothing to see here, people. But what you should be doing is going back and having a look at the last few months' worth of posts, in case you've missed any. Go on. There's a list down the side.<br />
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Let's see what happens next week, eh?<br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-12412193795848646432014-04-30T17:00:00.000+01:002018-04-11T22:01:09.154+01:00Clonk! OW!I was angry. I get angry a lot. Things annoy me and get under my skin on a regular basis. It's a particular annoyance when something happens in one of the creative fields I have my eye on. No, I'm not going to go off on one about the misogyny in comics again, although it's something that could currently be talked about endlessly.<br />
<br />
No, this rant was centred on something a lot closer to me. I saw something in a magazine that incensed me and almost had me writing a bitter-sounding screed about the nature of networking, money and talent<sup>*</sup> in the comics industry. I know they don't sound like very interesting topics, but the combination is, and in the most horrible way. It would have been accusatory and finger-pointy and very probably foamy-mouthed as a tirade.<br />
<br />
And that was what stopped me. Whether I'm right or wrong in my assessment of what I see as people not worth the time getting success doesn't entirely matter. Every mediocre drop of shit they drop into the creative community is going to make me wince like an abused kid when his father reaches for his belt, but there's a problem when you point it out: you look bitter and jealous. Jealousy can be healthy in small amounts, it can be another of those initially negative things that turns positive, but no one really wants anything to do with bitterness. Ya just don't make friends when your mouth is curled into a sneer because shit hasn't gone your way.<br />
<br />
I would, and still do, see my anger as justified and clean, shining an incandescent light on the corruption and hypocrisy I see in my midst.<br />
<br />
"Can't you be happy for someone's success?" you would be justified in asking. I can, but not when it's at my expense and at the expense of people more talented than me.<br />
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You see? It sounds like a shrivelled old complainer, pointing his worn walking stick at something he doesn't like and peeling back his cracked lips to spit out some bilious comment. I'm not that guy. I <i>want</i> to show the injustices of 'I'll-buy-you-a-drink' job-getting, and I know it goes on, I've heard too many stories from first hand sources to assure me of that, but doing so taints me, too. Pointing it out marks me out as some kind of malcontent, but I suppose I'm not content with the way these transactions go. Unfortunately it's a reality of the world I've thrown my lot in with and I don't have the clout to change it.<br />
<br />
My lack of prowess when it comes to networking is legendary. I say, "Hello," and then watch as someone else smooths their way in. Confidence is, and always has been, my biggest downfall. I lack it and I also have a deficiency of the bullshitting gland that might help me acquire work. Bullshitting seems to be a large part of the whole process. As is money, which I also have a huge lack of. With money I could at least travel around and practice my ineptitude. Wow, there's a line that's going to get me a tidal wave of job offers.<br />
<br />
If only sarcasm was a marketable skill.<br />
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Snarling and bellowing about the situation isn't going to change anything and it only marks me out as some kind of whiner not content with his lot. Maybe I <i>am</i> a whiner. I'm certainly not happy with where I am in my writing career<sup>**</sup>. Do you think shouting and (metaphorically) kicking furniture over is my way of disguising the snivelling whinger I really am?<br />
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I didn't want to rant here and I don't think I did. I did, I think, turn a bit passive-aggressive, which I apologise for. Most of you want to see that about as much as you want to see my wang. I do think it's something I need to air once in while, even if it does depress the living shit out of you. I wasn't talking about my wang, there, but if you feel the need to read it that way, go right ahead.<br />
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This blog post is dedicated to <a href="http://beneadsfiction.com/">Ben Eads</a> and <a href="http://tenbandits.com/">Ted Brandt</a> who are getting along merrily on their actual talent and I say congratulations in their recent successes. It's nice to see people – friends – doing well who aren't anything like the type of dickhead I describe above. Trying to inject positivity in here, I feel it needs it, don't you?<br />
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So next week I'll either have something hilariously angry or you'll get complete silence. We'll see how my mood is.<br />
<br />
<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Or lack thereof, in some cases.</span><br />
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<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">That is to say pretty much nowhere. I'm just full of cheer today.</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-62963468797994834042014-04-23T16:00:00.000+01:002014-04-30T14:07:24.317+01:00And Your Pens, Too!Smell that, son. It's the scent of fuckwit on the air. Yes, I know, we're supposed to be an advanced civilised society, but fuckwits and arseholes still manage to wriggle their way to the top of food chains and under our skin. It's kind of our fault for having a civilised and advanced society that we allow these...um...interesting individuals to burble away and annoy us. Would be nice to just round a few particularly dicky dicks up, through them on an enclosed plain and hunt them down. Population control. Alas the whole 'illegality' and 'immorality' of such a venture bugs some people. For some reason.<br />
<br />
I've been vocal about my annoyance at the sexism and misogyny in two of my favourite art forms before. Gaming has seen a high-profile debacle with the <a href="http://indiestatik.com/2014/03/31/most-expensive-game-jam/">Game Jam</a> that went down the toilet because of sexist remarks. You have to applaud the people who put a middle finger up to that shit. It's not the first incident of its kind in gaming and I don't think it will be the last – not for a good long while, sadly. I can't help feeling that all the nasty shit some gamers say while playing online might be the desired end result for some games creators, "I'm miserable, so you're all going to be miserable. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Or something.<br />
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I want to talk comics, though.<br />
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Recently this <a href="http://comicsalliance.com/sexual-harassment-online-rape-threats-comics-superheroes-lessons-men-geek-culture/">bullshit</a> pushed its sweaty way into my consciousness. Do I need to tell people what's wrong with this situation? If I do, then please feel free to go for a walk down the middle of a motorway, you know for your own and everyone else's sake. It will be for the best.<br />
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Going by the discussion and the toxic sludge that passes for forums and comments sections, talk I must. It's because it talks of a wider problem in our culture, where treating women like punching bags, both emotionally and physically, still doesn't have the stigma it deserves.<br />
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Let's go back to that misty time of April 11th of this year, an idyllic time when everyone got along and no one was throwing around rape threats like it was big and clever.<br />
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What?<br />
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It's never been like that?<br />
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Okay, but this part of the story still starts on that date. A day when a woman decided to <a href="http://www.comicbookresources.com/?page=article&id=52103">critique a recent comic book cover</a>. She pointed out that while the figure work was mostly pretty good, the composition was dodgy as fuck. I mean, to me, most of the things around the figures look like they've been scribbled in without any thought about whether they should be there. That lunch bag in Beast Boy's hand looks especially tacked-on. She points out something that could be potentially racist. That last one's hard to call, it could just have been down to the overall iffiness of the composition.<br />
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The less ambiguous issue is with Wonder Girl's anatomy. Namely her gigantic, unreal knockers. Miss Asselin rightly takes issue with the blatant sexualisation of a teenage girl, fictional she may be, but it's still a creepy thought. She points out the ridiculous proportions of the character's hips before turning her attention to everything that's wrong with Wonder Girl's breasts. You can read it in the link.<br />
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And that's what people took issue with. How dare she, a mere woman and non-artist, criticise a comic artist for DOING WHAT A VAST SWATH OF COMIC ARTISTS DO! Then came the rape threats. Rape threats.<br />
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I'll say that a third time so that those of you who don't quite get it can feel the full horror: rape threats. We know the people involved know what they do is wrong because they concealed their activities in private correspondence.<br />
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This kind of thing isn't acceptable. This is shit. It's nasty and unpleasant and, <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-27104205">if the all-time number one downloaded song ever is an indicator</a>, disgustingly prevalent. We have a culture in which threatening rape is a way of dealing with women. How is this still a thing? Why are we still letting it happen? Are we afraid of losing our bros when we call them on having grotesque attitudes towards women. Let me tell you, you don't need friends like that, yer mate who's always calling women sluts and whores and thinks they're good for nothing but bed post notches is the human equivalent of radioactive waste. His attitudes are going to reflect on you and give your soul cancer. You wouldn't sit on an atomic pile would you? See?<br />
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Even in the public domain, people who are supposed to be professionals in the field resorted to, "you have a vagina, so you are wrong," arguments when it was clear their defence of one of their colleagues wasn't going their way. That's harder to deal with, because they don't seem to see what they are doing is wrong. That's a problem too big for my puny brain to think up even a bullshit solution for.<br />
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And the argument it's the way comics are done is such a huge pile of bullshit there are satellites orbiting it. We have the capacity to change that particular status quo. Ridiculously-boobed women (teenagers and adult women) are the juvenile fantasies of a small part of the comics community, yet it's those shit heads who call all the shots. Yes, they're the loudest monkeys in the enclosure, but they are also the most stupid, selfish and least representative. Big companies can take away their power with one simple tactic: ignore them. It's not our fault some essential part of their life is missing. Get on with doing shit that isn't offensive in every wrong way and start to grow. You won't be seen as unsympathetic, you'll be seen as smart. Ignore the fuckers who want comics to stay the same stunted medium forever<sup>*</sup>.<br />
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What I say to everyone: is shout as loud as you can about these internet degenerates. Shine a big torch on every reprehensible proclamation. There should be a website dedicated to this, where women who've been on the receiving end of this crap can post the sickening crap they have to put up with so that the rest of us can laugh and the pathetic specimens who feel it's right and proper to verbally beat women down with grimy threats just so they can feel empowered. Would such a place work? Dunno. It would be nice to experiment and see. Someone. Anybody?<sup>**</sup><br />
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<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Actually moderating forums and comments sections might be a good start too. Too many of these places just let slobbering misogyny and any other foul prejudice run rampant without saying much. Don't feed the trolls is not an adequate way to moderate a forum either.</span><br />
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<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">And fucking hell <a href="http://www.themarysue.com/greg-rucka-blogs-fake-geek-girl/">more shit</a>!</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-91841658405868544382014-04-16T16:00:00.000+01:002014-04-30T13:58:49.847+01:00Inarticulate Snarl!Doing things in good faith is a perfect way of getting it in the gub. It's a life lesson I can't quite grasp, even though it's happened to me so often. I enter into things with an open mind and end up getting kicked in the brain<sup>*</sup>. I have been approaching some modern horror films with this attitude of late, fool that I am.<br />
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I'm still not finished with this little jag; there are a load of horror films from the last few years I haven't seen. In truth there are some older horror films I haven't seen – wouldn't mind giving <i>Don't Look Now</i> and <i>Freaks</i> a go around. By the same token I'm not interested in some newer horror films like <i>The Human Centipede 2</i> or any of the <i>Hostel</i> films. I am not squeamish, as you'll know if you've read some of my fiction, but the retarded and boring fascination with gore and debasement<sup>**</sup> just doesn't do anything for me. Add to that, the first <i>Human Centipede</i> was some of the most inept film making I've ever seen and it didn't bode well for the follow-up. Use an idea as the basis for a story, but it shouldn't be the entire fucking thing.<br />
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Anyway, I entered into watching a couple of Rob Zombie films a few days ago. Yeah, I suppose walking into Rob Zombie film-making exploits is a big invitation to getting a toe in the frontal lobe, but I decided I should, just to see if the impression left by <i>House of 1,000 Corpses</i> was erroneous. This is the point where I stick a disclaimer in your face: I have liked Rob Zombie's music for a long time, going on twenty years now<sup>†</sup>, and I was really excited when <i>House of 1,000 Corpses</i> was coming out, abandoning any misgivings about his directorial abilities, because even the promos he directed for his songs are on the shoddy side. So, yeah, fan of Rob Zombie music.<br />
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<i>House of 1,000 Corpses</i> turned out to be an incoherent clusterfuck of a mess. It's like it has been written by someone who doesn't know what a story is and has the tedious hyperactive style of bad music promos. Bad film! Swat it with a fucking slipper. It was disappointing and quite saddening, that trashy, wild and incoherent style that worked so well in his music didn't stand up to a change of medium. Should have seen it coming, but I was naive and really wanted to enjoy his film work as much as I liked his music.<br />
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I pretended this hadn't happened. I pretended I was coming into <i>The Devil's Rejects</i> without ever having seen <i>House of 1,000 Corpses</i>, aaaaaand it was still shit. I will admit it was better written, there was actually the semblance of a narrative. It was a shit narrative with the desperate need for you to empathise with a bunch of reprehensible psychopaths. It's almost impossible to empathise with characters who have no redeeming features whatsoever. Yet there goes Mister Cummings trying to make us care for characters so horrible and twisted there's nothing tangible to hold onto. They're just a bunch of gurning sick fucks who kill a bunch of faceless people and deserve to die. Actually they probably didn't deserve to have what little cinematic life was given to them.<br />
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What's probably most dull about <i>The Devil's Rejects</i> is Rob Zombie's slavish copying of a particular brand of seventies films. He doesn't even try to bring anything new to the business, just making a nasty seventies exploitation film a couple of decades too late. It's witless and artless and a kind of wank material for people who want to see senseless, pointless killing and boobs. It would be fine if that was all he was trying to do, but there are too many things inserted that make it seem like he's trying for something loftier and when he doesn't get anywhere near them it's difficult to decide whether to scud him on the head for being so inept or pat his weirdly-hatted bonce in commiseration for making an attempt.<br />
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And while we're on the subject of mindlessly copying the work of other directors, having seen <i>The Lords of Salem</i>, it seems he'd watched a bit of Stanley Kubrick, only instead of taking the lessons of story-telling and character he took away STATIC SHOTS and DRAGGING SCENES. So many static shots for no reason. You're not learning anything, it's not moving the plot along and it's not creating tension. What's the fucking point, man?<br />
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I mean, again, better than either <i>The Devil's Rejects</i> or <i>House of 1,000 Corpses</i>, but still a million miles away from being a good film. He shows a wee bit of restraint when it comes to the violence, but his need to have waaaaaay too much nudity is yawn-inducing. Actually, I'll correct that: too much female nudity. I'm a red-blooded heterosexual male, I enjoy looking at the female form, but when it's just women parading around nude, for no real purpose, it gets creepy. It does get to the point where a full-frontal naked guy would be something of a relief; it would make it feel less like some leering pervert's sitting next to you massaging himself. Urk.<br />
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I dunno if there's something inherently wrong with modern horror, or if this kind of rot has always been there, but Rob Zombie's films are kind of indicative of something a bit skewed about the genre. The need to parade unpleasant violence and nudity in place of story and character makes me feel a lot of horror film makers miss the point of the genre. Like most genres it's about showing us fundamental truths about humanity, yeah that sounds fucking pretentious, but it doesn't make it any less true, but a lot of directors seem to think it's an excuse to show off boobs and wave a dripping pancreas in our faces while screaming, "Ha ha ha ha! Isn't this fucking awesome!"<br />
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Rob Zombie probably isn't beyond redemption as a film maker. There were a few points in<i> The Devil's Rejects</i>, actually some of the best scenes, where he showed a keen sense of comic timing. Perhaps ditching horror and making a foray into comedy might work out better.<br />
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<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Okay, not everything. Some things. In case you hadn't noticed I'm not the most open-minded person. I'm not the most closed-minded, either. Receptive to some things more than others. Like A REAL HUMAN BEING! Gasp.</span><br />
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<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">And don't forget that little smattering of misogyny, that shit gets everywhere and leaves a funky smell.</span><br />
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<sup>†</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">I even got to see White Zombie the one time they toured in the UK. Throwing that out there for no particular reason.</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-52984869301428992582014-04-09T16:00:00.000+01:002014-04-09T16:00:02.253+01:00Gonna Pop a Vein.You ever cast about like a fucking maniac trying to find something to take up some space? You ever do that? Just me?<br />
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It looks like it comes so easily to other bloggers. Every week they have something new to tell us, and here I am, almost in tears trying to think of something to say that will inspire and entertain. It makes me wonder if I have an extremely boring life. Might be that I need to get out and do a wee bit more living. Then I look at my bank balance.<br />
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You know that thing about money can't buy you happiness? Yeah, it isn't that simple. Having money and just shoving it in a bank account to watch it accumulate isn't going to make you very happy<sup>*</sup>. Having money ready for when you need it and then using to have fun will make you happy. Well, it will certainly make your life richer in experience. Sometimes.<br />
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I used to have money. I'll let you pick yourself up off the floor from that bombshell. You wouldn't think it to look at me, but I used to have quite a comfortable bank balance. I didn't do much with it. Then I blew all on stuff I didn't really want<sup>**</sup>. That wasn't the best time in my life. I <i>should</i> have spent all my money years before<sup>†</sup>. I might not have so many regrets.<br />
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Instead of being so dull when it came to summer holidays I should have got myself a passport and zoomed around a bit. My younger self could have benefited from zipping to comic cons in the US and schmoozing with people in the business. Ah, if my youthful incarnation had even half the ambition and one percent of the knowledge I do now, he wouldn't have been seen for dust<sup>‡</sup>. Boom! On a plane. Bang! At a convention. ?! Profit and enriching experience!<br />
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But, then, I did what I did, which wasn't very much at all. So here I am, banging my head off a desk, trying to think of interesting things to write about instead of thinking about how important money is in the modern world, how integral it is to get by and why this shouldn't be. Oh, yes and boring you, I can see you nodding. I'll leave it there and let you snore and dribble.<br />
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I think I could do with some cheering up.<br />
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<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Or, it doesn't for most people. There are probably a few Scrooge McDuck types out there who would go swimming in their money bins if they could.</span><br />
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<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">There's a whole story there, but it's not for the internet. Lemme have some kind of mystery about me, you bastards.</span><br />
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<sup>†</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Really, Will, hindsight? You really are getting desperate, aren't you?</span><br />
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<sup>‡</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">He could really have done with his grammar getting a shake-up. Not that I'm perfect now, but he was really terrible. It's embarrassing, he needs a slap.</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-1234551515291548532014-04-02T16:00:00.000+01:002014-04-02T16:00:01.408+01:00It Had to Happen.Yeah. I've got nothing.<br />
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Just as I expected to happen, I'm coming up dry. Not a lot's happening that I feel strongly enough to go on about. This week has been particularly quiet.<br />
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I'll rack my brain for something to say for next week.<br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-43736377946556669842014-03-26T16:00:00.000+00:002014-03-26T16:00:01.117+00:00Them Ole Square Eyes.TV. Teevee. Telly. Television. It's been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. As you can imagine I was the weird kid who would disappear home to watch television while everyone else was out playing. Drove my mother nuts, to the point where she would kick me out of the house so that I would get some fresh air.<br />
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As a teenager I was a bit of a recluse. Not terribly sure why. I would go to school and then go home and spend most of my time with the television on. Yeah, I'd sit and scribble things: stories, games and bad drawings. All the time the comforting grumble of the television going on in the corner of the room. Film and TV are, unsurprisingly, my biggest influences when it comes to fiction. My brain is full of flotsam and jetsam from years of watching some of the most obscure things because I couldn't bring myself to hit the 'off' switch. Oh, fucking hell, does late-night Channel Four programming in the nineties have a lot to answer for<sup>*</sup>.<br />
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So. Now you know what my viewing habits were like as kid<sup>**</sup>, you get to see the special relationship I've developed with it over the years. The magpie effect of flicking around when nothing was on means I know things about programmes I didn't chose to watch. It's had the dual effect of making me more discerning and more willing to try new things. I know, for instance, bone-deep, that I ain't going to sit through an episode of a soap opera; horrible cancerous things that choke out anything else that might turn up on the air.<br />
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In the interests of community-mindedness, I'll give you a little list of the current programmes I'm watching and enjoying. Should be fun. Might show you a shocking lack of taste in your eyes, and if that's the case: FUCK YOU, YOU MALICIOUS CUNT! HOW DARE YOU JUDGE ME! I'LL JUDGE YOU RIGHT BACK!<br />
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SEE! THAT'S ME JUDGING YOU! DON'T LIKE IT, DO YOU? NOOOoooOOO!<br />
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Ahem, anyway, onto the list.<br />
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<i>Person of Interest</i>. I'll actually start with a complaint about this – go me! Why are we in the UK a year behind on this? Not everyone has Netflix, motherfucker. Channel Five have to be applauded for showing it, but it's irritating having to avoid places because there are people who have to talk about what's going on twelve months ahead because it's so fucking good! I want to know!<br />
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The show had a bit of a slow start. The first half of the first series is almost a write-off. Then it hit its stride. It's a fantastic mix of conspiracy thriller, <i>A-Team</i> style good-deed of the week and comedy. It's exciting, dark and asks some big questions. Just don't tell me what happens in series three, I will have to have you killed or, at the very least, severely beaten.<br />
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<i>The Blacklist</i> is another bit of conspiracy and espionage, but it manages to be far darker and uncompromising than <i>Person of Interest</i>. We are introduced to the wonderful character Raymond 'Red' Reddington, a criminal facilitator and extremely bad man who drops himself into the FBI's lap telling them he'll give them access to criminals they haven't even heard of, the titular blacklist. Oh and he'll only talk to a particular analyst. It's murky in the best kind of way. There's no question about the people Reddington is handing over are extremely bad, but his motives aren't clear and as it goes on it's obvious a lot of the characters' motivations are uncertain. I don't know what the fuck's going on and I love it. You should jump in and not know what's going on either.<br />
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Talking about being <i>reeealllyyyy</i> behind on series, I give you <i>Parks and Recreation</i>, a comedy programme filmed in a fly-on-the-wall documentary style<sup>†</sup> and we're three series behind on this. This took even longer than <i>Person of Interest</i> to get into its groove, but in the third series the insanity set in and the documentary presentation gives great opportunities for characters to give silent reactions to the madness around them or getting little interviews to give their insights. For ages before BBC Four started showing it I was seeing things about Ron Swanson on the internet and got really annoyed, but now I see the appeal, he's a stand-out character in a programme of brilliant characters.<br />
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Without <i>Community</i>, I would never have tried <i>Parks and Recreation</i>. This is another one I'd been hearing about for a while and finally found the whole first series on catch up. That was a rewarding Sunday afternoon. For a while we were a year behind this one as well, but last year the Sony channel showed both series three and four. Four wasn't quite as good because Dan Harmon had been dumped as show runner, but it still managed some interesting episodes. <i>Community</i> relies on the interplay between the fantastic ensemble, guiding us through their time at a US community college. It starts off pretty grounded, with some odd moments, but by the end of the first series and the paintball episode it laid the groundwork for the strangeness to come. Then we have the references, you remember what I said about references, right? It's chock-full. A lot of it is self-referential, something a lot of people point out as a bad thing, but I think it's great and gets you invested in the strange family unit of the Study Group.<br />
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The most recent addition to my watching is <i>Brooklyn 99</i>. This is an odd one, because it has a bog-standard police procedural as its basis with all the beats and tropes the genre has, yet it's all wrapped up in a comedic skin. Yeah, I know a lot of police procedurals have elements of comedy in them, and <i>Castle</i> is even described as a comedy-drama, but the writers will ditch any semblance of comedy trappings in favour of a dramatic storyline. <i>Brooklyn 99</i> is straight-down-the-line funny. Yes, there's a case of the week, and it forms a big part of each story, but the characters' eccentricities make up the rest of the bulk. It could have been fucking awful, but it, amazingly, works.<br />
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There are others, like the slew of crime dramas I watch, like <i>Castle</i>, <i>Rizzoli and Isles</i>, <i>Elementary</i><sup>‡</sup> and <i>Bones</i>, but the ones above are the programmes I feel most excited about watching of a week. I highly recommend them if you can get access to them.<br />
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<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Now a bit of a sad imitation of its gloriously vibrant and mad landscape. Late-night television, in general has become a depressingly conformist precession of gambling shows. That made me a little sad, writing that.</span><br />
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<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Or reiterated for some of you. Yeah, I'm looking right at you, dude.</span><br />
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<sup>†</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">As pioneered in <i>The Office</i>. One I never did get around to watching in either its original UK run or its US incarnation.</span><br />
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<sup>‡</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">That I think in a lot of important ways is far superior to <i>Sherlock</i>, though I did enjoy that too.</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-10621703430335467232014-03-19T16:00:00.000+00:002014-03-19T16:00:01.560+00:00Grinding On.Looks like I wasn't done with talking about <i>Borderlands 2</i>, after all. How curious. I will move away from this subject, I promise. Seriously, I don't want to flog a dead horse, it only gets messy.<br />
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I'll just reiterate, though, Gearbox did a good job on building what they'd created with <i>Borderlands</i>. They've created this fun and addictive game. The only reason there was so much for me to complain about is because I've spent so much time going through the game. Having clocked up so many hours<sup>*</sup> playing the game the flaws are magnified. The fact I'm willing to spend so long playing the game says as much on its own.<br />
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You see all that <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderlands_2">content</a>? Some of it coming out over a year after the game was released is still pretty fucking impressive. And their still rolling out fixes and support<sup>**</sup> in that same time. While they might look like they're not sure how to handle some of the gameplay stuff, they do have a handle on the technical stuff.<br />
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So Gearbox did a good job. We clear on that?<br />
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It still could have been so much better. My main gripe with it is the nature of the loot drops. I'm not going to go into it, but this gives a good overview: <a href="http://www.gearboxsoftware.com/community/articles/1092/inside-the-box-evolution-of-loot">Evolution of Loot</a>. I'll give you some time to look through that. It's a big fucking post.<br />
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One thing I'd like to point out is '1 in 30'. It's the standard drop rate for a lot of the bosses in the game of their best equipment. This doesn't sound bad, but when you think about it, it veers quite hard into the stingy territory, especially when you consider some of the bosses can be very challenging. Yes, it's better than the one in ten thousand chance normal enemies have to drop top-tier gear<sup>†</sup>, but it still leaves you at Stingy Station with a bit of straw clamped in your teeth.<br />
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You shouldn't need to fight the one boss anywhere near that number of times to get their best gear. Getting to and fighting one boss ten times is a tedious exercise of Sisyphus-like proportions, thirty times can be brain-mushing. And because it is probability and as close to random as technology allows you're likely to find yourself fighting that boss a lot more times to get the piece of gear you want. There have been some horrifying statistics posted about how much chance you have of getting certain pieces of gear and they go into the hundreds before it starts to look decent. That's not fun. A game should be fun. No it shouldn't just hand you the good stuff the first time you hold out your hand, but it shouldn't point and laugh at you when you're trying to get it while tripping over your grey beard<sup>‡</sup>. Rewarding you for your persistence in a half-way decent manner without taking a grinder to your patience.<br />
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I've thought about how they could do this with my non-codery brain. My suggestion can't be implemented in <i>Borderlands 2</i>, unfortunately, though I do hope Gearbox tweak the drops before they finally have to walk away. Perhaps for <i>Borderlands 3</i>? Maybe? Perhaps? <span style="font-size: x-small;">Dudes?</span> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">Please?</span><br />
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Anyway what I thought would be a variation on the RNG reliance. The RNG sounds good in principal for the loot drops, but, as many people have seen it actually turns out to be very unfair. I think the game should note when you've fought any boss. Each time you fight a boss, a little note to say no loot was dropped and to start with there's that one in thirty chance at the good gear. If by, say, the fifth boss fight without a drop the game starts to incrementally put its thumb on the probabilities scale. Each time a boss is fought that doesn't drop its best loot the game weights the probability more and more until it hits a high probability, like one in five. Once a boss drops its highest level loot the count resets. Not perfect, by any means, but it would redress the imbalance gamers feel. Or just really make it more likely to find good stuff across the board, that could work too.<br />
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That's the important thing that's forgotten in the reliance on the RNG, it's how the people playing the game feel. Whether or not its completely random doesn't always register in our emotion-fuelled ape-brains. We get pissed and start to see negative patterns where there aren't any. We feel like the game is mocking our efforts<sup>§</sup>. That's not a feeling to be engendered by a game, characters in a game, perhaps, but we shouldn't feel like the company behind the game are sniggering every time we kill Hyperius and get a pile of white gear<sup>§§</sup>. It's childish to think they might be, but in the halucinatory haze you find yourself in while farming<sup>§§§</sup> it's easy to start thinking it.<br />
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This unwillingness of the game to part with its most prized items leads to behaviours that are considered cheating: <a href="http://www.chaptercheats.com/cheat/pc/103964/Borderlands-2/hint/42300/">duping</a> and <a href="http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/638784-borderlands-2/67225235">gibbing</a>. Gearbox have gone to great pains to wipe out gibbing in particular, but neither would be the problem they are if drop rates were more generous, less Ebenezer Scrooge and more Père Noël. Never going to get rid of people cheating, but minimising it by making game mechanics feel more fair to the players.<br />
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No, we don't need these weapons or equipment – well maybe some of it to make progress in the hardest level of the game, but we want it. Gearbox created the demand for it for those of us with the particular brain damage that makes us crave it, but they haven't quite furnished the supply. Would it be so difficult for the unsung heroes of the games industry, the quiet programmers and coders, to bump the drops more in the player's favour? That's the main aim, to create a game with even more lasting appeal, without doing it in a cheap way.<br />
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There are other criticisms, like the poor Krieg and Maya players who got shafted in the Overpower levels, but I think I've gone on long enough about the subject, don't you? Next time something different, I think.<br />
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<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">I'm now too terrified to calculate it. My self-esteem can't handle that kind of knock.</span><br />
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<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">The most recent one redresses, a little, one of the stingiest drops in the game. That's pretty cool, I have to say.</span><br />
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<sup>†</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Which is just jim-dandy, sir. You don't want some schlubby gimp basic enemy dropping the best stuff, that would just be weird and make it pointless to fight the bosses once you've finished the game. Yes, I do see the merit in replayable bosses, that's pretty cool. I just don't agree with the low possibility of good gear.</span><br />
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<sup>‡</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Yes, even the ladies, because nature is cruel and hates everyone.</span><br />
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<sup>§</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Especially those fucking loading screens where it shows a parade of some of the rarest items in the game. Three Pearlescent weapons in a row? You fucking cunt!</span><br />
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<sup>§§</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">If you don't get the reference, don't worry. Or maybe you should, you made it this far not knowing what the fuck I'm talking about. What's wrong with you?</span><br />
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<sup>§§§</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">A term I discovered last year for fighting the one enemy over and over again to get a piece of equipment. It's about as boring as my explanation sounds.</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-52232377464111183722014-03-12T16:00:00.000+00:002014-03-12T16:15:15.364+00:00Pointless or Ahurgaflurgan?I may have mentioned before that I enjoy <i>Borderlands 2</i>. <a href="http://willcouper.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/i-return-again-and-ill-probably-vanish.html">I may have mentioned something along the lines of being a little addicted to <i>Borderlands 2</i></a>. You probably don't get the scale to which I threw myself into this game. It's so bad I'm embarrassed<sup>*</sup> to talk about it. Really, I shouldn't even be admitting to it. Am I creating strong enough picture? No?<br />
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Right. I got sooooo into this game that I spent three fucking weeks looking for the <a href="http://borderlands.wikia.com/wiki/Cobra_(Borderlands_2)">rarest weapon in the game</a>. I found the bloody thing and then Gearbox did their Loot Hunt<sup>** </sup> month and for a glorious day one boss enemy dropped the weapon one hundred percent of the time, and now I have a bunch of them.<br />
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This doesn't even cover the HUNDREDS of hours looking for other slightly less rare, but still hard to obtain weapons. I give one word to people who might know: Norfleet. I'll now give you two words: fucking Norfleet.<br />
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Anyway. Now that I've given you some idea the extent to which I let this game take over my life, I'm going to go through a few things about the game since it's coming to the end of it's very long cycle<sup>†</sup>. Is it a review, is it an overview, is it me taking an opportunity to whine about things I don't like about the game? Who can say? I present this little essay and I'll let you, demented reader, make up your own confused, confused mind.<br />
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I'm pretty heavily into the game is what I'm trying to get across to you.<br />
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Let's start with what Gearbox got right with <i>Borderlands 2</i>, shall we? From the outset it's a pretty game. The overexposed opening reminds those of us who played the first game just how unforgiving the planet of Pandora is. Each of the playable characters is distinct and quirky, as you would expect from a game as quirky as this. Once you're knee-deep in the game you're presented with bleak environments and amusing new enemies in wonderful cel-shaded-fi. Lovely.<br />
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We also get to meet the two characters that eased us into the first game: Angel and Claptrap. There are too many spoilers when it comes to Angel, so let's not bother with her. Claptrap, I perversely find a lot more likeable than in the first game. I know he's supposed to be a really irritating character and he was much more annoying in the first game. In <i>Borderlands 2</i> he's just kind of tragic and everyone hates him, even though he turns out to be incredibly useful. Maybe it's my sympathy for the underdog, dunno.<br />
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The story is coherent, which is always a plus in an FPS. I'm staring directly at you <i>COD</i>. It doesn't suffer being lost quite as much as in the first game, though there's so many side quests to do, there's still that drift and you can sense it on the periphery of you consciousness. But there are so many amusing asides and so much funny dialogue, you don't actually notice too much and by the time you might be in a position to notice, you're too busy killing baddies to really care. Which, mostly, is the point of a game like this.<br />
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That brings us to the extra content. So much of it. A good lot of it I haven't indulged in because it's in the form of skins and heads. I mean they're cheap and all, but I can't get terribly excited enough to fork over the money to buy them. It's a clever way to grab a few extra quid without people feeling like they're being squeezed, even though they are a little bit, not a full squeeze of the testicles<sup>‡</sup> just a little pull of the sac.<br />
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What I have paid for are the DLC campaign add-ons , and largely I've been happy with what I've handed money over for. You get a few extra hours of gameplay for about eight quid. Can't complain even when they don't quite measure up to the main quest, though I was very pleased with the Tiny Tina DLC, which was huge for an add-on. And then there are the other bits, like the extra characters, level upgrades and the Head Hunter packs. That adds up to a lot of extra stuff. And we consumers do like our extra stuff, unless it's hot coffee in the crotch, we're not so keen on that.<br />
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The whole package is crammed full of <a href="http://borderlands.wikia.com/wiki/Borderlands_2_pop_culture_references">references</a>. <a href="http://borderlands.wikia.com/wiki/Borderlands_2_Easter_Eggs">Brimming over</a>, dammit. I like me a good old reference, and this kept me amused, I'll tell you. There were so many references I didn't even know them all – not that I'm some kind of pop culture guru, it's just amazing the breadth of things they pulled in. There's even one I'm sure no one's copped to and that's from the Torgue DLC with one of the gangs called the <a href="http://orcz.com/Borderlands_2:_The_Burners">Burners</a>, looking very similar to a faction in the game <i>Rage</i> called the <a href="http://rage.wikia.com/wiki/Scorchers">Scorchers</a>, even having a thing about bikes. Am I seeing things? Hmmm.<br />
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There is a lot to like in this game. Perhaps not enough to take it to the insane extremes I've gone to in playing it, but a fun game all the same.<br />
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Of course, it isn't all good. I wouldn't have written this if it were a fannish look at what makes it work. You're not getting off that lightly, oh no. I have things I want to say and I want to suggest. As if anyone from Gearbox is going to read this. Just like Dean Koontz is never even going to be aware of my open letter. It's all just honking in the dark.<br />
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I'll not bother with bugs and glitches and things, because you could write a book about them. <i> Borderlands 2</i> isn't quite as bug-ridden as, say, <i>Fallout: New Vegas</i>, but it has its fair share.<br />
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What I am going to say, is repeat what a guy who goes by the Youtube user name Morningafterkill observed about Gearbox's handling of the game: they don't seem to know <i>how</i> to handle it. The first <i>Borderlands</i> felt slight and experimental and it almost feels like they were throwing stuff at to see what worked. This extends into the DLCs for the first game which were kind of messy and, in the case of the Mad Moxxi DLC, was just badly put together. Yes they hit the right notes with some parts of campaign add-ons, but you could feel they were kind of winging it. For all that Gearbox addressed a lot things to improve the experience of <i>Borderlands 2</i>, there's the niggling feeling of not being sure what to do with it.<br />
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Sure their blogs make it seem like they have everything well in hand, but when you look at certain things, you start to see cracks. It was most illustrated for me when someone on their forum asked a question about one of the big mechanics of the game and the developer who answered essentially explained the point of the mechanic and then said it wasn't desirable<sup>§</sup>. Bit of an odd thing to do when you should be in control of the game. Their last couple of non-<i>Borderlands</i> games have been <a href="http://www.metacritic.com/game/playstation-3/duke-nukem-forever">embarrassing</a> <a href="http://www.metacritic.com/game/playstation-3/aliens-colonial-marines">failures</a> and it makes you wonder how good they are at producing games.<br />
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Even the <a href="https://www.borderlands2loothunt.com/">Loot Hunt</a> event had shades of this. Actually, more than shades. Huge big signs, telling us, "WE DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE!" The first part of giving players the opportunity to find some rare items, yeah I can get behind that. It was a fantastic idea. Gets the interest again. But the added stuff, like buffing the game's weapons went a little awry. There were a handful of weapons that got good upgrades and then the rest just got tweaks, like the weapons known for having huge magazines getting an extra one ammo. One, in weapons that carry hundreds. A lack of awareness there, Gearbox. Lots of people were disappointed by that, but what was most disappointing was the inability for international players to help out with the targets. It was made clear from the start we couldn't get the prizes and no one was surprised, but when we couldn't even help out in the US players reach the goals, it felt a bit like the company couldn't give a shit about their overseas players. This might not be the case, but you feel that twinge, like non-US players aren't important. WE'RE PEOPLE TOO! And if it wasn't apathy, it gives even more this impression of not knowing their market reach. A tad strange, don't ya feel?<br />
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For the record the Loot Hunt is a great idea and wouldn't go amiss being part of the ongoing promotion of a third Borderlands game, and not just for other corporate sponsorship. Something other than the golden keys. Keep interest and maintain a cool connection with the fanbase, doing these events one weekend a month or something. See, I'm still trying to be positive in this sea of criticism.<br />
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They added a third playthrough to the game. It was designed to be very tough. The main problem you see with it, is it kinda broke the game. It's actually incredibly difficult to progress in this playthrough without specific weaponry, even with multiple players. In a game of 'a bazillion guns' it's a little strange you find only about a dozen weapons make doing it feasible<sup>§§</sup>. How much thought did they put into this mode that wrecks the notion of customisable characters? Probably not quite as much as they should have, as they added in regeneration to enemies that negates another major mechanic. I can't say that was well-thought out. It's one of the things the first game got right. You could go through any mode with gear that wasn't the rarest and have a good time making it through, even when it was quite challenging.<br />
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Then there's the tendency to aim to be annoying and frustrating with game mechanics. Yeah, they actually want to frustrate their player base with <a href="http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2012-08-13-why-gearbox-created-a-borderlands-2-boss-so-tough-its-nearly-invincible">enemies</a>. What the fuck? Going out of their way to make something so annoying it will make people rage-quit? Is that really a desirable goal for a game? I don't want to play a game to be frustrated and angered<sup>§§§</sup>. I want to have fun on a game for a few hours, not have the creators yank my fucking chain.<br />
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The rarities of equipment is all fucked up. It shouldn't take days or weeks to get certain weapons, no matter how good they are. Fighting a tough enemy for hours or one that has a fight time that's tediously strung out shouldn't yield rubbish and fucking consolation items. It's not rewarding. At the moment I'm trying to get weapons that only drop from enemies that only occasionally occur. Someone quoted these weapons have a drop rate of one-in-thirty. I started counting and as of writing this blog I've fought ninety of these enemies and not a one of these weapons has appeared, and some people have talked about fighting one or two hundred of these guys and only got one or two weapons. <i>And remember these are rare enemies already</i>! If you're going to have these things in the game give a fucking decent chance of a drop<sup>§§§§</sup>, because the enemy's rarity is going go on top of the item's rarity. I'm not some fancy mathematician, but even I can see that. It's clear most gamers aren't even going to encounter them, as they play through the game once and move on, such deeply buried items seem pointless, don't you think?<br />
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Players want to feel rewarded. It's something that <i>Minecraft</i> – a game Gearbox admire so much they have an entire section pay homage to it, including fighting enemies from <i>Minecraft</i> – understands all too well and though you can spend a long time doing something it never feels frustrating. Yes, <i>Borderlands 2</i> is a very different game and that's my point, it's a fast-paced shooter that's repetitive enough with three playthroughs available, adding in sections that need to be done over and over and over and over and over and over<sup>§§§§§</sup> for the item an enemy is supposed to drop takes away from that. S'not rewarding. Players want rewards not grinding chores. The slavish adherence to the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Random_number_generation">RNG</a> in the inevitable sequel<sup>§§§§§§</sup> has to go and with it the mindless 'random is random' mantra.<br />
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And finally, probably more personal to me, but I've seen a few grumblings about it: ditch the fucking <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raid_(gaming)">raid bosses</a>. This convention of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massively_multiplayer_online_game">MMOs</a> isn't required in a game like this and it feels like giving the single player or people playing splitscreen at a home a raw deal. I've told you my feelings on forcing people to play online – I'll give a hint: I don't think it's good. That's only part of it. Super powerful, can take a ridiculous amount of damage and, the cardinal sin, most possess unfair attacks you can't defend against marks all of these enemies. It doesn't fit in with the rhythm of the Borderlands games and, again, feel desperate, like Gearbox don't know what the hell's going on.<br />
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There you go, the good and the bad of a game I've spent far too long playing. There's more to love and more to get annoyed about, but I've rambled enough. Don't you people ever sleep!<br />
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<sup>*</sup><span style="font-size: x-small;"> And mortifying. Don't forget mortifying.</span><br />
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<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">I think some people were pissed off that the super-rare weapon they'd spent ages looking for was now very easy to get a hold of. I thought it was only fair of Gearbox.</span><br />
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<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">†</span></sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">By the time the final DLC comes out Gearbox will have been supporting the game for eighteen months. Quite amazing for an FPS when most other companies give up on a title after a year. Unless it's Insomniac games with Resistance 3 and they walked away after about months, the fucking wimps.</span><br />
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<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">‡</span></sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Or ovaries. Whichever, it all adds up to the same.</span><br />
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<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">§</span></sup><span style="font-size: x-small;"> I would link it, but I don't have time to dig through the forum to find the thread.</span><br />
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<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">§§</span></sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Although the minority of really good players will claim this is nonsense. They're talking out of their arse.</span><br />
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<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">§§§</span></sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">It will likely happen anyway, but that's not the point. The creators of the game baiting the player that way is trollish to me.</span><br />
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<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">§§§§</span></sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Yes, yes, they drop other rare items, but only at the top mode and the rare items aren't that good and, again feel like patronising consolation prizes. I don't want to be patronised any more than I want to be frustrated, man.</span><br />
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<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">§§§§§</span></sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">...over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...</span><br />
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<sup>§§§§§§</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Because it will happen. They made too much money on it and had too many high-profile fuck-ups to not support the Borderlands universe with a second sequel.</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-24096951647541728302014-03-05T16:00:00.000+00:002014-03-05T16:15:12.271+00:00The David Cameron Nightmare Seed.Hello, people. How are you today? Good? Filled with nonsense and <i>joie de vivre</i>? Want to have that stripped away from you in the most brutal way possible? Of course you do.<br />
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Look at this face:</div>
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<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/WilliamCouper/media/DavidCameron.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo DavidCameron.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j130/WilliamCouper/DavidCameron.jpg" height="320" width="287" /></a><br />
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Really look at it, ignoring its graininess<sup>*</sup>. Many of you know this smug, horrible avatar of greedy privilege. Some call him reptilian, but I think that gives reptiles grounds to sue. See those shark-like dot eyes, black with caustic ideology. I bet you can hear his voice, spouting shit so corrosive it's easy to believe his heart doesn't pump blood, but pure bile<sup>**</sup>.<br />
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Now imagine that face, hovering over you, flushed red<sup>†</sup> with sweat. Perspiration forming rivulets and running down his nose to drip into your eye. Hair plastered to his head. His arms shake with the effort of keeping him above you. He grins at you in post-coital goofiness and withdraws his rapidly diminishing erection, wiping it on your thighs as he does.<br />
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He flops down onto his side with a long, drawn-out sigh. He reaches across to his discarded trousers, fishes in the pockets, pulls out his wallet and peels off few notes. These notes he carefully shoves into your mouth until you gag, his post-coital smile still in place, never. As you are about to vomit he lets go and punches you in the face.<br />
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Not pretty.<br />
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Now, if you're Scottish, think about that. Think about any future Prime Minister of any party, sitting in Westminster, erection and fists at the ready. I could say so much more, but I'll leave that there for you to think about.<br />
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<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Maybe I should have black-and-whited it.</span><br />
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<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Or you're a Tory and think he's a capitalist hero, in which case I am sorry for your illness.</span><br />
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<sup>†</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Redder, if you want to be entirely accurate. I'm always going for accuracy. Except for when I can't be arsed.</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-16411836184504299692014-02-27T16:00:00.000+00:002014-02-27T16:00:00.347+00:00The Quiet's Worrying.Last week was my fiftieth blog post. Don't all stand up in ovation at once, it's taken me almost six years to rack those up, often after long lulls. But very few lulz, I'm sure some of you are sniggering to yourselves, buncha shitty bastards.<br />
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Being internet quiet bothers me a little, because it makes me think I'm not doing anything. Actually it usually coincides with a time when I'm not doing very much creatively. That's an odd thing to notice, I know, but it fills me with the worries. Oh so many worries.<br />
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What if I stop writing blog posts and my creativity drops off? Ah, fuck! The torture that is! It means I'll have to keep the motor running on this, and most of the time I find it hard to think of something to write about. So you end up looking at this self-reflective babble. Can't be fun for you. Poor unfortunate internet wretches – but you're all still bastards.<br />
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Don't worry, it's not all going to be close-up pictures of my belly button fluff right at the source, though that's now tempting<sup>*</sup>.<br />
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What I'm going to do this week, and probably other weeks in the future is just magpie shit. Plonk stuff here as the week goes on until it resembles some kind of post and publish it once on my Wednesday schedule. A nice theory, and we'll see how it works out.<br />
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I'll mention things like that utter nonsense from the Brit Awards<sup>**</sup>. David Bowie, upon winning something or other, sent forth the Spidery Coke Monster – AKA Kate Moss – to deliver an acceptance speech. I don't know most of what was said, as I have no interest, but it seems it was signed off with "Scotland, stay with us."<br />
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What the thundering fuck? Stay with who? Ex-pat English musicians? I mean, seriously, man, a bit of clarity won't go amiss here. But what does it matter to him whether Scotland remains part of the UK? I suppose we can be thankful he said please. And just so you know I think Sean Connery's a bit of a cunt by shouting for independence, but showing no inclination to living in the country. Can you tell what side of the argument I'm on? I might actually do a blog about it in the future.<br />
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Ideas! I knew there was a good reason to do this!<br />
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My wife and I went to the Jack Vettriano retrospective at Kelvingrove the other week. Interesting exhibit, as it starkly shows up the artist's weaknesses. The man has serious trouble with faces, like, off-puttingly so. It was packed, though, to the point where it was hard to get close enough to see some of the paintings. That was a week before the exhibition ended. We went to Kelvingrove again this Saturday to buy a poster from the shop and holy fucking shit! I'm glad we'd already gone to the exhibition. Some of the poor buggers in the queue were told they might have to wait up to an hour to get in. An hour! You can't help wonder how much money's been made on this<sup>†</sup>.<br />
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It's also been pointed out that it's over a year since the Playstation 4 was announced. That went fast. Mind you last year went fast leading up to the release of the console. I may have some words on this too. Brainstorming, that's the fucking ticket.<br />
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And more fucking swearing. Can't have too much.<br />
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<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">No, no, no! Don't want to become a blog that comes up in one of <i>those</i> kinds of searches.</span><br />
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<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">That I, funnily enough, didn't watch. Fucking commercial music wank-material.</span><br />
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<sup>†</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Turns out a fucking frightening amount, most likely.</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-19727157316963735942014-02-19T16:00:00.000+00:002014-02-19T19:59:11.595+00:00It's Not A Confession If I Don't Give A Shit.Yep, so I liked <i>Two and A Half Men</i>. It's a weirdly derided and reviled television show, getting a shitload of flak from various quarters. I'm not entirely sure why, other than the catch-all of people are fucking weird. I'm also not <i>entirely</i> sure how it got to be so popular, either, but the vitriol it gets seems...disproportionate. It's an entertaining bit of sitcom fluff by and large – you watch it once and then pretty much forget about it once the end credits have rolled. Kind of like you wish you could forget about that body in the garden, the one that keeps whispering about the monkeys.<br />
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No doubt I'll get a bit of stick for admitting I enjoy (or rather enjoyed) a show that's considered trash and a perfect target for ridicule. Fair enough. In a lot of ways I should have been part of the crowd catcalling the programme and decrying it as shit from the start. It's not as if I'm above that kind of thing, there are quite a few things I find myself getting on the bandwagon of disliking<sup>*</sup>, but I couldn't see what all the fuss was about.<br />
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In the last couple of series it's started to lose its enjoyment factor. It managed a half decent season after Charlie Sheen went off the deep end and started ranting about tiger blood and whatever else squirmed into his head through the coke-fuelled haze. Then it lost its way, and the fact there wasn't a 'half' man anymore became this great foghorn, blaring, "We have no idea what the fuck is going on! Keep watching anyway!" I can't help feeling they took their cue from ole Carlos Estevez.<br />
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What kept me watching when I first stumbled on the early episodes shown on Channel Five back in, like, the misty times of 2005 was that it was a little different from your average sitcom. It still had all those sitcom tropes: the canned laughter, the aggressive grip on the status quo and the growing implausibility of the premise. I mean it's the same with most sitcoms, the whole situation gets harder to maintain the longer they go on, like a frustrated erection. And <i>Two and A Half Men</i> is onto its eleventh series; it's starting to go a bit floppy. <i>Friends</i> only ran for ten series and by the last three it became a smear of unpleasant, mawkish shit<sup>**</sup>.<br />
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Mawkish has never been an accusation that could be levelled at <i>Two and A Half Men</i>. Yes it did go down the sentimental route on occasion and that was cool, it kept the characters feeling human – or as human as sitcom characters ever get. It needed a core of humanity because it had a gleeful air of cynicism, capering like a sadistic, sarcastic elf, giggling while it tells that guy with the broken back it feels so bad for him. Perhaps it was this that bothered so many people – the show wasn't about fluffy bullshit, it was about this narcissistic, partying, virtually sociopathic arsehole having his life invaded by his needy, slightly parasitic brother. There aren't a lot of warm fuzzies in that set up.<br />
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The cynicism continued in the portrayal of Jake, the kid in the show. He wasn't one of those smart arse moppets nor was he wise for his years and he certainly wasn't the hellion Bart Simpson was. He was a dumb, ordinary, kid and he mostly said and did dumb things, like real human beings of any age. Just like human beings of any age he would rarely say anything that was profound or smart, but on the one or two occasions he managed insightfulness it fleshed him out, made him feel a bit more real. The episodes where he was oblivious to all the adults' shenanigans were funny, though, and reminded me of myself sometimes..<br />
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Then there was Alan, played by Jon Cryer, who, before that was most famous for playing Duckie in <i>Pretty In Pink</i>. In the beginning of the show he was a sensitive loser, who managed to make all the wrong decisions. Most of these decisions had a habit of leaving him destitute. As the series went on it became clear he was shaped by the way he was treated by his mother and older brother growing up. Then Alan started veering into the land of the caricature. Out went the sensitivity and in came the amoral leech, changing him from a likeable, sympathetic character into one that makes you want to turn the TV off every time he's on screen.<br />
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This is where things get weird and it highlights the problem with US networks' obsessions with syndication – the magic twenty-two episode season. Long running US programmes start to creak very quickly because each series runs for so long. Stories get boring and repetitive, and you can almost see the whisky stains of burnt-out writers on the screen. It all gets stale and the networks <i>obsess</i> over it. This is where the greatest paradox comes in: change fucks everything up.<br />
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And not in a good way.<br />
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Fine, the production landed on its feet by creating a likeable, if a little boring new lead, Waldon, played by Ashton Kutcher<sup>†,</sup>. The changes made to Alan's character started to put a strain on the narrative abilities of the writers and the production as a whole. Then, in series eleven a new character was introduced: Charlie's niece, Jenny. Clearly supposed to be a substitute for Charlie Sheen's character. Jenny is a boozing, promiscuous narcissist, just like the Charlie<sup>‡</sup> character; and, for some reason Waldon allows her to stay in his home<sup>§</sup>. There are three things wrong with this character: she's unpleasant, she's fucking boring and she doesn't fit. The producers should maybe have gambled on bringing a completely different character into the mix, maybe something that didn't make the, admittedly already shaky, internal logic of the show screech in unholy agony.<br />
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Since this character's arrival the stories have become unfunny messes. The programme meanders along trying to squeeze laughs out of us with increasing crassness and tastelessness. I've got nothing against crass tastelessness – I can get a giggle out of a good fart joke<sup>§§</sup>. <span style="font-size: small;">A <b>good</b> fart joke. They haven't managed one of those in a fucking age.<br />
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But that was just a slow rot. What almost made me unplug the TV in rage and has properly put me off the whole show is Blurred Lines. That fucking song I heard about, but managed to avoid for most of last year. I avoided, at least, until I watched the generally trashy and sometimes amusing year-in-review type programmes over Christmas and they all fucking played this piece of shit. Everything about it, from the tone, the music to the lyrics just make anyone who likes it look like a cunt. Then they used it on <i>Two and A Half Men</i>. And I'm done. I'll muddle through to the end of the series and then it's getting wiped from the TiVo, because there are some lines that shouldn't be crossed, blurry or not.</span><br />
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<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Finding my own way, you understand. I'm not some mindless sheep who follows things non-critically, I've told you this before. I can do independent intolerance.</span><br />
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<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">And then the final episode turned into this out-and-out nasty piece of fan service bullshit with queasy shades of misogyny just to get the skin really crawling. That's why any of us watch sitcoms, isn't it? To have our skin set to crawling. Right? RIGHT?</span><br />
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<sup>†</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Another unduly vilified figure as far as I can see. Fuck, I thought I could be intolerant. He's fucking Mila Kunis, yes we get it, move on.</span><br />
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<sup>‡</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Charlie Sheen can't handle a character that doesn't share his stage name, it seems. He's been Charlie in <i>Spin City</i> and now again in <i>Anger Management</i>. There are probably more examples, but I just can't be bothered finding them. It's probably all the drugs he's done have turned his memory to mush. I have no real excuse for not researching this further.</span><br />
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<sup>§</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">The show already constantly jabs at the ridiculousness of him allowing Alan to stay, so they aren't unaware of the oddness.</span><br />
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<sup>§§</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">And that's just the tip of the tasteless iceberg. I'm actually quite hard to offend.</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-76826651441574309212014-02-12T16:00:00.000+00:002014-03-13T22:27:36.442+00:00The Modding WorldI’m no fancy coder. In fact I’m no kind of coder at all. I can fiddle about a bit with very basic HTML, but otherwise I’m completely clueless when it comes to making things happen with computer code. I tried to learn a bit as a kid, but it turned into a dizzying swirl of things that didn’t make a whole lot of sense and the can-can music started playing in my head. This is BASIC we’re talking about here, the same language we were forced to use in computer studies, so you can imagine the miserable, though musical, time I had of that particular class. As much as I tried, I couldn’t work out how to get the damn thing to work – and I so wanted to know how it worked. This was the first suspicion I got that I’m a bit on the dumb side.<br />
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Still, even now, as a sophisticated<sup>*</sup> – but still dumb-ish – adult, there’s something fascinating to me about the whole coding side of gaming. It fills me with wonder that they can put together strings of gibberish which coalesce in the characters and worlds floating around on your screen – often trying to kill you. It’s something I’ve always found sort of arcane. I just can’t get my brain around the whole business at all; to the point where I’m almost Rain Man-style punching myself in the head. Nyaaaaaaaa!<br />
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Even more fascinating to me are those folk who crack open games and fiddle about with their innards, like mad Roswell autopsy doctors, rearranging and replacing the quivering innards of the game to come up with something different. Not always better, mind you, just different. I’m fascinated by this world, mainly because I don’t have access to it. I just hear things about it on the internet wind, whispered by those in the know or all-capsed by crazies who insist it’s all just the Illuminati desperate for new thong underwear<sup>**</sup>.<br />
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Modding isn’t a new phenomenon (and neither are crazies blurting about why their underwear disappears into their rectums) the early days of home micros had plenty of modding. To be honest if it weren’t for modders, if what I’m led to believe is correct (I refer you to my statement about dumbness above), a lot of games on the Spectrum and the Commodore 64 wouldn’t exist. There were also those who came up with ‘pokes’, the quaint term (and, let’s not kid ourselves, hilariously dirty) for creating strings of code that by-passed the games’ functions to make them easier – you know, a cheat: infinite lives, infinite time, invulnerability or infinite ammo. They were great, when they worked. About ninety-five percent of the time you sat through the loading of your prospective game only to discover the pokes mangled a bit too much and it crashed or, even more infuriating, the game loaded fine, just as if it was running normally, which you soon realised it was. Someone, somewhere was cackling ‘Suckers’ to themselves. Oh, yes, I know their game. Bastards.<br />
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Whether the game worked or not, wasn’t the point, the fact was there were industrious folks out there breaking open the code of games, prodding around inside and making changes. Now you have guys prising up the hood of a game engine and tweaking it in different ways. They’re adding their own signature to the game, and going to great lengths to do so.<br />
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There are even those who improve games. Our old, buggy friends Bethesda have benefited greatly from those industrious little modders. These guys have swooped in and covered over the cracks in games like <i>Fallout 3</i> and the <i>Elder Scrolls</i> games after the company has left the games alone.<br />
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How great would it be to have that kind of resource on the consoles? And by that I mean the PS3, of course. If I had an XBox 360<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">†</span></sup> I’d talk a lot about that too, but I don’t, so I won’t. We’ve kinda been left with still-broken forms of the above-mentioned games. Imagine if Sony allowed players to get in and faf around with the code of certain games? What wonders we could behold! A game of <i>Fallout: New Vegas</i> that doesn’t have a fucking seizure when you go to too many settlements. How great would that be?<br />
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Of course there would be the other side of the equation: nasty little creeps messing with the code and creating malware. As it is we already occasionally get that with the PS3, like the evening I was playing <i>Modern Warfare 2</i> online and suddenly the game seemed to decide that psilocybin mushrooms would be good in an omelette. No harm was done to the system, but it did kind of break my game when I was getting millions of XP for kills. I couldn’t really look at <i>Modern Warfare 2</i> in the eye again after that, like I’d seen it get into a car for money.<br />
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We’re never going to see the wonder of modded games (outside of the very limited ways some games will allow) on the PS3, but a man can speculate on the world that could be.<br />
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<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Okay, I can’t help but laugh at that either. Me, sophisticated, the very idea.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">**</span></sup> Fine, it's hyperbole for comic effect, so sue me.</span><br />
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<sup>†</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Or them thar new-fangled PS4s and XBox Ones.</span><br />
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Will
William Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1334959536493116644.post-12524708448041070202014-02-07T12:50:00.000+00:002014-02-07T16:48:49.804+00:00Scraping All Those Pennies.Okay, I'm going to give some people a little length of rope to hang me here: I don't have a huge insight into how big businesses work. The internal workings of large companies are somewhat arcane and nausea-inducing. I always envision people in suits getting promotions based only marginally on their abilities and mostly based on how much arse they're willing to have near their mouths. A skewed, paranoid picture, possibly, but it's hard to shake it<sup>*</sup>, especially when you read about the kind of shit that goes on.<br />
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Anyway. Since I have no real understanding of businesses of a certain bigness, I will only talk about it in the vaguest of terms, in a hushed voice, hoping they don't swoop out of the darkness<sup>**</sup>, plucking me away and setting me to work in their customer service department. Eeeep. That image is bowel-worrying. I'm sure I can extrapolate things, we can all do that, but usually when I try to my wonky understanding of human nature screws up my prediction and I end up looking like I'm somewhere advanced on the autistic spectrum. I'll give it the ole college try, though.<br />
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What I can understand is greed. We all know greed and we all see it. Just a quick glimpse at British Telecom, British Gas and British train fares<sup>†</sup> tells you what you need to know about greed. It's not those companies I'm looking at right now, though they deserve all the fucking lambasting they get.<br />
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I've been reading about corporate greed in different areas in the last week, in areas slightly less consequential than transport, communication and power. They might not impact lives quite as much, but it doesn't make their money-grubbing antics any less unappetising. Like watching a demented and unreformed Ebenezer Scrooge bashing orphans on the head and carrying them off to workhouses, cackling all the way.<br />
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So, I present to you the curious cases of Games Workshop and EA Games.<br />
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Yes, note the word connecting both. I'll give you a moment to consider sticking around before clicking on something else, perhaps some hollow 'inspiring' quotation perhaps. To the two people who have stuck around: what the fuck is wrong with you?<br />
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Since you've stayed I'll offer some background. Games Workshop is the company behind the tabletop battle games <i>Warhammer Fantasy Battle</i> (or simply <i>Warhammer</i>) and <i>Warhammer 40,000</i> (known also as <i>Warhammer 40K</i> or <i>40K</i>). Both of these games involve the use of miniatures<sup>‡</sup> to simulate battles in either an epic fantasy setting or a far-flung future – guess which is which. Games Workshop has been the undisputed giant of this market for a couple of decades. EA Games, full Sunday title being Electronic Arts, is a computer games publisher and current Source of All Evil<sup>§</sup>.<br />
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I used to love playing <i>Warhammer 40K</i>. In my teens and early twenties I bought lots of miniatures and rules books. I wasn't spectacular at the games, but I generally had fun playing. Not long after I started in the hobby, I got one of my patented foreshadowing moments (see my Dean Koontz open letter for details, I'll still be here when you're done<sup>§§</sup>), but couldn't quite explain it. Something was off about it. Unlike my Koontz foreshadowing the problem became clear to me fairly quickly: expense. The models to play this game, we have to use and only from Games Workshop, were pricey. Not break the bank pricey, but you had to think long and hard about when and which purchases you were going to make. This was the early nineties, when Games Workshop still sold miniatures other than their own Citadel Miniatures, but that didn't last, oh no. Soon it was only Citadel Miniatures as the official miniature for their games. And prices started to go up.<br />
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Now, you have to pay almost fifty quid for a sixty or seventy millimetre model – and not even a metal model, at that, because Citadel don't do metal no more. It's all plastic these days, guv. That's a ridiculous amount of money and it's only for a single miniature; for even a small game of <i>40K</i> you need at least twenty-five or thirty models. And even your bog standard troop type models are not cheap, costing twenty-five quid for ten plastic models. That's insanity. And there are people more passionate than me about the whole business who'll also point out the overpriced and constantly re-released rules books (with new rules<sup>§§§</sup>!! And new units!!) that are broken anyway. And don't get anyone started on the prices of paints. Whoo! That's a big can of worms, there.<br />
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I stepped away from the hobby quite a long time ago, but I still look in on it once in a while and was amused and saddened when I read recently their share price had plummeted. It seems Games Workshop's policy of extreme pricing because there was no alternative to their model or system has come back and bit them on the arse. There are other games systems around now that don't demand such huge sums of money from those who indulge in the hobby. You have to feel sorry for the staff though, because at some point it's going to come back and bite them too.<br />
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An interesting thing about the Games Workshop thing is that it got me back to something I've done periodically: making rules for my own games. Most of the time these rules were messy and ultimately didn't work. This time probably won't be much different, but I'm going to see what I make of it<sup>§§§§</sup>.<br />
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Now, to the other greedy bastard company: EA. They have come under fire in the last couple of weeks for re-releasing a game I loved. They resurrected <i>Dungeon Keeper</i>. It doesn't really matter what the game was like, because, by <a href="http://www.metacritic.com/game/ios/dungeon-keeper/user-reviews">all accounts</a><sup>§§§§§</sup> this update for the mobile market bears not a fucking ounce of resemblance. For a start, they've stripped it down to being a tower defence game, right, fair enough, it's for mobile, it's just for people on the train or bus going to and from work. The real heinous crime comes in the pay to play model they've crammed into it.<br />
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For this game, in order to do anything that even sniffs of gameplay without waiting for hours or days waiting for a simple action to occur requires money, you know to make up for the game being free to download. And it's on a sliding scale, depending on how advanced the action is you want to do. Some of the reviews I looked at reported requiring hundreds of dollars to achieve anything in the game. Do you remember my crack <a href="http://willcouper.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/some-minor-point.html">here</a> about Sticky the Stick? Did someone at EA see this and go, "Fuck me! This nobody's on to something!" and decide that fucking gamers and a beloved game was the way to go.<br />
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I hope this isn't a trend because the games industry, from what I now understand, is on a bit of a precipice and this kind of thoughtless money-grabbing insanity is only going to tip them closer.<br />
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And those, my friends are the tales of greed and corporate stupidity I saw this week. They are not unique and I wish more companies suffered greater consequences for their actions, but, in the case of EA, if I can help make people aware and make sure they don't spend money on a shoddy, nasty tactic, then I'll have done something worthwhile, even if it is a tiny thing.<br />
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<sup>*</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Yes, yes. Hard working and dedicated people get to the tops of companies all the time. It's my <i>perception</i>, dude, get with it. It also doesn't mean they're nice people.</span><br />
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<sup>**</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Or blinding fucking sunshine as it is at the moment. It's really damned inconvenient and it shouldn't happen in February.</span><br />
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<sup>†</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">That's the seeds of a political rant for another time, I think. Fucking politician cunts. See that? It's anger. Grrr.</span><br />
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<sup>‡</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Also known in some circles as minis or sad sodgies.</span><br />
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<sup>§</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">A position sometimes occupied by Activision.</span><br />
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<sup>§§</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Or will I?</span><br />
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<sup>§§§</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Tweaks.</span><br />
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<sup>§§§§</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">While not getting too distracted with it. I have other things to do, you know. I might release it for people to test it out. How's that, eh? Interested? Comment.</span><br />
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<sup>§§§§§</sup> <span style="font-size: x-small;">And keep an eye on that page, the number of negative reviews is only going to <i>swell</i>.</span><br />
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WillWilliam Couperhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04531537963074789728noreply@blogger.com0